Constantly jerked around

[Cowan]

My adult daughter is bipolar with a personality disorder.  While a therapist has never said she has BPD, she is argumentative and paranoid.  She regularly tells me how much she hates me.  I am accustomed to mistreatment and over the years have become somewhat immune to her rudeness.  She has very few friends and lives on disability.  But she also has the key to my heart ... .a six year old granddaughter and threatens me with cutting off my relationship with her child.  She is single and the father is a deadbeat.  We help her financially and with child care, but if she gets angry, we get punished and we go through periods of not seeing her child.   She is manipulative, irrational, and cannot put her child first.  We are worn out and fear for the future. 
I am unaware of any sexual abuse ... .she has a college education, but got fired from any employment because of anger issues.  She is now starting to argue with her child's teacher, etc.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi there Cowan

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you've found us.

You're so right. Dealing with our adult kids behaviours is just so exhausting. There's been times when I felt I couldn't cope. I'm very sorry you're having to deal with all of this and you clearly love them both very much.  I found the support and guidance I needed to find a better way, a more effective way, to interact with my adult DS26.

There's many on the forum who have grandchildren who experience problems very similar to yours. I encourage you to read as much as you can about BPD if you haven't done so already.

How far away does your daughter live from you?

LP