Hi tennysongirl,
That's a tough spot that you're in, our pwBPD will push buttons and sometimes will push all of them, that sounds like you're case. A pwBPD have little to no boundaries on themselves and don't understand other people's boundaries. It makes sense to communicate with our SO's and tell them if they've crossed a boundary, usually people will understand and respect that, a pwBPD are just wired differently.
When I point out calmly that my boundary has been violated and I won't be responding, his response is to point out any violations to my own boundary he perceives from my end, insults, and snarky passive aggressive comments.
We can't control others, there are only two things that we can control, our thoughts and our feelings, set the boundary on yourself, my advise is if you tell him that he's crossed a boundary, just say it once and I wouldn't say that I won't be responding, follow through with your actions and simply don't respond, by telling him that it just gives him attention.
I'm guessing that you're talking to each other on the phone? If it's not an emergency then don't pick up the phone, if he texts, messages or emails, then set some time aside for yourself during the day to go through the messages and respond back to the valid ones, in this case finances and ignore the rest of them, try to depersonalize the behaviors. I'd probably do the same thing with voice mail if you let calls go to voice mail, for awhile I subscribed to voicemail to text, so when I'd receive a voicemail it transcribes it into text and I'd receive it as an email and I would just read the messages on my phone, it was just easier for that way because I didn't have to listen to the nuances in her voice. It just made it easier for me.
