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Author Topic: BBQ Woes  (Read 428 times)
Tattered Heart
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« on: June 11, 2017, 05:09:29 PM »

 I am so angry at my husband right now. We are headed to  A barbecue. He decided to wear "summer clothes".  His outfit consists of black water shoes, brown striped dress socks that go to his knees, brown plaid shorts, and a gray and white checkered button up shirt that is too baggy for him, and his black gun store hat. I nicely asked him to remove the sock. He blew up on me about how I only care about the way people look. I know that style is important to me, but I usually overlook  most of the things he chooses to wear. The water shoes and socks is a real issue for me. He owned a pair several years ago that he wore constantly which I may disappear because I was so embarrassed to be seen in public with him.  When he got mad I backed off on what he was wearing and let him choose to wear what he would like to wear. But I am so mad.

We stop to get gas and he wanted to go in and get water at a store. Now he realize how foolish she looks and he wants to stop and find a shirt  that matches better at a store. We've already stopped at one and he couldn't find one and now he's starting to get mad. I just want him to take the socks off.  He's in Walmart trying to find a shirt now and I'm pretty sure he's going to get his picture posted on peopleofWalmart.com.

 Now were an hour late for the party and I'm angry. He's angry. And this is turning into a crap evening.
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Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

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JoeBPD81
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« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2017, 04:36:40 AM »

I'm sorry things are like that. Hope the evening turns around miraculously.

We also have the right to be mad, you know? But you also have the bigger chance to get those emotions under control. I'm sure every wife in the world knows how you feel we guys are pretty ridiculous many times.

Good luck! 
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isilme
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« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2017, 03:55:21 PM »

We're the other way around.  I am usually pretty quickly dressed, having thought about the event, the logistics of what makes sense for me to wear (Heels, tennis shoes, flats, skirt, pants, low cut, high neck), how I am feeling physically and about myself, and then pick, dress, and find a place to wait.  He will usually try on at least 3 things, all of which usually look fine, and if he can't get himself squared away, he starts in on my choice of clothes.  Like, "don't you have anything that doesn't look too baggy/fit too tight", whatever.  I am in between sizes.  Some of my clothes are a little big, some are a little small.  Some days a dress that fit well last week won't fit the same because I lost/gained water weight.  I realize in my head he is poking at me because he hates how HE looks, and can't handle it, but it sucks.  I also think he hates that I usually have a simple time picking something to wear because I know exactly what I have in my closet, while he throws his clothes in a pile. 
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Mustbeabetterway
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« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2017, 05:05:51 PM »

Hi Tattered Heart,

I can hear how frustrated you were feeling!  I sure
Know how that can be.  I hope you were able to salvage the evening.  Peace to you.

Mustbeabetterway
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Tattered Heart
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« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2017, 08:03:31 AM »

We're the other way around.  I am usually pretty quickly dressed, having thought about the event, the logistics of what makes sense for me to wear (Heels, tennis shoes, flats, skirt, pants, low cut, high neck), how I am feeling physically and about myself, and then pick, dress, and find a place to wait.  He will usually try on at least 3 things, all of which usually look fine, and if he can't get himself squared away, he starts in on my choice of clothes.  Like, "don't you have anything that doesn't look too baggy/fit too tight", whatever.  I am in between sizes.  Some of my clothes are a little big, some are a little small.  Some days a dress that fit well last week won't fit the same because I lost/gained water weight.  I realize in my head he is poking at me because he hates how HE looks, and can't handle it, but it sucks.  I also think he hates that I usually have a simple time picking something to wear because I know exactly what I have in my closet, while he throws his clothes in a pile. 

Yes. This was the exact problem. I stopped taking care of his laundry because well, he is an adult and can hang up his own clothes. He just lets them sit on a pile on the bedroom floor then he yells because he can't find things. He couldn't find any socks so that's why he chose those crazy unmatching socks. He is unorganized and then gets frustrated because his unorganization makes life difficult for him.

FYI we did salvage the evening. After stopping at Walmart he found a normal shirt to wear and then decided to take off the socks!  Smiling (click to insert in post) We had a nice evening at the BBQ. I got to visit with girlfriends. We even stayed an hour longer than he originally wanted to (and it was his idea to stay longer). He didn't complain when we got in the car and went home. He said he really enjoyed the evening. This is very rare for him.
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Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

Mustbeabetterway
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« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2017, 09:29:47 AM »

 I am so glad you were able to have a good time.  Those times are like money in the bank!  In my experience, it is easy to give in to the frustration and stay home or go home before even getting to the event.  Congratulations on your perseverance ! 
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isilme
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« Reply #6 on: June 14, 2017, 04:22:12 PM »

Excerpt
Yes. This was the exact problem. I stopped taking care of his laundry because well, he is an adult and can hang up his own clothes. He just lets them sit on a pile on the bedroom floor then he yells because he can't find things. He couldn't find any socks so that's why he chose those crazy unmatching socks. He is unorganized and then gets frustrated because his unorganization makes life difficult for him.

Do you live at my house?

I will wash his clothes, but I only fold them and put them away when either
1) I get bitten by an OCD bug and can't help myself.  I did this when I was laid off and felt so guilty at being home all day and not bringing in any money.
2) He is willing to sort them, fold them and give them to goodwill.  I have realized this is somehow super stressful for him and he can't make himself do it unless I am in the room - he admitted this last time we did it.  That made it less annoying for me.

Glad the initial upset before the BBQ passed.  I have noticed that H will drag his feet when he feels badly about himself, and make us late, and take forever, but once we get somewhere, within half an hour he is okay. 
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Tattered Heart
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« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2017, 08:15:34 AM »

I have noticed that H will drag his feet when he feels badly about himself, and make us late, and take forever, but once we get somewhere, within half an hour he is okay. 

I've recently noticed this pattern. He will suddenly have to go to the bathroom or will stall going out the door. I've started giving him a leave time 15 minutes before I really want to leave so that I won't be late. He has no concept of time or how long it takes to get somewhere so this tends to work most of the time.
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Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

WitzEndWife
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« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2017, 12:50:52 PM »

Just curious - was the BBQ thing held by YOUR friends/family/coworkers? I find that my H often dresses slobbish and neglects to comb his hair or brush his teeth when we go out with MY friends, but when it's something that's important to him, he dresses up to the nines. It seems like it's a subversive thing. Like, "I don't really want to do this, so I'm going to embarrass you and make you regret it." Just wondering if it was the same thing for you.
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"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tattered Heart
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« Reply #9 on: June 20, 2017, 08:16:12 AM »

I would say more of my friends, just because I have more personal relationships, but they were all a part of our social group. Most of the men there were people my H likes and says he wants to have a relationship with.
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Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

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