What is the initial reaction of young children to divorce?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have read many articles on this, but I was curious if anyone has personal recollections or insights into the first weeks and months of what a separation and divorce is like for a 3-5 year old child. What did you do or wish you had done to make things easier for them?

[lpheal]

I have read many articles on this, but I was curious if anyone has personal recollections or insights into the first weeks and months of what a separation and divorce is like for a 3-5 year old child. What did you do or wish you had done to make things easier for them?

[takingandsending]

lpheal,

I am still in the first months of this, S5 (at the time of separation, now 6) and S11. S6 really has been okay. I think the first couple of days, he cried when provoked by his brother for longer than normal. I generally find a way to let him direct his anger without harm - he is allowed to have it but not hit. A lot of the times, he asks me to hold him or be with him but not speak. It usually takes him 5-10 minutes to process his upsets, which is pretty good all things considered.

I think the whole "talk" about what was going to happen was confusing and too long at his age. Really, 3-5 year olds understand action and their immediate world. So, I think the best you can do is strive for stability and consistent support. Knowing you are there, that you aren't going out of their lives, that you will be there during their highs and lows is most important.

[FSTL]

I have a 5yo with two elder siblings.

My ex tried to explain it to him (4 at the time) and it was pointless. He just followed what his brothers did when I moved into a different home with more or less 50/50 time.

He is now well settled into the new arrangements and I have a much better relationship with him than when we were married. He is far more interested in me and he relies on me more than before when his mother sucked all the emotion out of him.