More nervous now that he's thawing

[Adastra]

It's been almost 4 months since he ended our marriage. We have two small children so we have to see each other several times a week and occasionally communicate (ha) about the kids and finances. The first month there was a lot of nasty aggression from him. Then the silent treatment. Just in the past week or so I've been sending a shift from him- a little more pleasant and reasonable. A little less outright anger and a little more respect. I guess it should be a relief, but instead it's making me even more anxious. I think it's triggering those feelings I had towards the end- when he'd be in a good head space but I knew I couldn't trust it to last. How long will this last? What will trigger him to turn on me again? Then what? It's so awful.

[Mutt]

Hi Adastra,



It depends on what's going in his life, i'm just using an example from my personal experience, maybe it help you or somebody else. My exBPDw started splitting her new bf black, and I was starting to get split white. I got less hostile emails and there would be weeks were I barely heard from her.

Sometimes she feels out of control in her life so she'll try to control her environment and that means that I might get an email where she's baiting. I won't JADE so the conflict stops at my door step and that's it, it took awhile though for me to change my habits. Finally another member pointed out that I had to stop reacting to her, it's her and her inability to manage her emotions or to self sooth.