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Author Topic: BPD/NPD sister and her fiction telling...  (Read 697 times)
Pina colada
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« on: June 15, 2017, 09:27:12 PM »

I am not sure why I get bothered when my diagnosed BPD sister (whom I now believe has many NPD traits) tells others lies about me.  Our father is elderly and unwell.  I live in the same state as him but 50 miles away.  Sis lives in another state but comes to our state often to see her granddaughter which would be a happy and fun visit.  Dad had heart attack and she had every excuse not to visit and help.  I had him moved to a rehab facility in my town.  I visited him almost daily except when I was sick... .two days.  I drove 100 miles round trip to get his mail, got him t-shirts, underwear, clothing when he needed it, laundered it.  When I visited him, sat with him, basically got him anything he needed.  She told other family members she helps him because she calls him and I only visit and don't do anything.  I am not sure why that bothers me, but it does.  I know it is not true.  She also thinks I am jealous of her because she is married to her second husband.  I do not want a man like her husband for many reasons.  He was rude to our mom, asked family members for large sums of money, when my sister had a breakdown after being fired from a job, rightfully so, husband disappeared and was not there for her emotionally.  There are other reasons too that I won't share as I can keep a secret.  Sis was emotionally abusive to me as kids, she is much older.  Even now, she has emotionally raped me as an adult as she has breached all the secrets I shared with other family members, as well as on the internet.  Ughhh, not sure why this bothers me.  It is so hard having a mentally ill sibling.  Sometimes I just wish I had a sister I could share recipes with, talk about music, kids, etc.  She will never be that person... .Oh well.  Just a vent.  It is an awakening when you realize you just can't have a relationship with a relative that is so messed up... .
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Woolspinner2000
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« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2017, 07:20:03 AM »

Hi Pina colada

I can certainly see why you are so bothered and upset by the things your sibling says, both in her portrayal of herself and the falsehoods she is saying about you. I've been in similar situations when DH says things about me that aren't true. I have felt crushed in my spirit. I imagine that is something similar to what you may be experiencing too. I'm sorry for those hurts you have. 

For the longest time I feared what others thought of me when he'd say something. When I went to T, my counselor would point out such things as: "Who do you know that really believes him?" & "How a person thinks in their heart comes out and shows to others." What they're doing is slander, telling falshoods. They are showing others who they are, and those astute enough will see the differences between the two of you. You have the blessing of knowing you are caring for your dad. You'll not be able to change the projections so typical of a BPD. As much as you can, be at peace with the truth inside of you. She feels the need to project an image whereas you don't have that need to project because you show your kindness through actions.

Hang in there! You are doing well!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
Wools
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Kwamina
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« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2017, 01:00:06 PM »

Hi Pina colada

I am not sure why I get bothered when my diagnosed BPD sister (whom I now believe has many NPD traits) tells others lies about me.

I think no one really likes to be portrayed in a negative way that does not reflect reality at all. Even when you know it are lies and tell yourself not to take things personally because the other person is disordered, I too would still find it quite unpleasant having a sister tell these kinds of falsehoods to other family-members.

Ughhh, not sure why this bothers me.  It is so hard having a mentally ill sibling.  Sometimes I just wish I had a sister I could share recipes with, talk about music, kids, etc.  She will never be that person... .Oh well.  Just a vent.  It is an awakening when you realize you just can't have a relationship with a relative that is so messed up... .

I think you've pretty much answered why all of this bothers you so much. It is hard indeed having mentally ill family-members, for many of our members it has been very hard. Coming to terms with this reality isn't easy and the wish you express also shows that deep inside you still might long to have a non-disordered sister with whom you could have a more pleasant relationship. I think it is normal to feel this way. Acceptance of this harsh BPD reality just is very tough. Acceptance very well might be a lifelong process.

I am sorry your dad is having these health problems, I can imagine how difficult that also must be for you. I think it's great though that you are doing so much for him Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Your sister telling her stories to her public might give her some sort of emotional reward or attention, but no matter what other people might say or think about you, these good deeds you've done for your father in private are what really matters Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) You taking care of your father is an act of love and on a spiritual level this leads to a much greater reward  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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beatup
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« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2017, 03:43:09 PM »

I read your post & asked myself why the lies my uBPD sister tells(& believes) bother me too. The answers you received helped me too. Thank you for that.
 My 2 cents... .if I know someone who tells lies of any sort, I avoid them, I do not continue or pursue any relationship. It is simple enough to move on. For me, lying is something I do not do & I want no part in. But with a sister... .it is not so easy to drop & move on... .stand & fight does not work with her either. So I must live with it... .and I have chosen NC as a result because there will never be any remorse or retraction of these lies.
 Yes it is very hard & heart breaking... .no doubt about that.
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« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2017, 02:05:54 AM »

I think it bothers us when our BPD parents/siblings/etc tell lies etc about us because as others said we know these lies etc are not true. I think we sometimes worry too that ppl will believe them and there may be consequences for us. We wish ppl could see thru our PD family members lies, fakeness and the mask they wear. Seeing that the PD person is not the victim but the nonPD family member actually is the victim and the PD person is the bully/person who has done wrong/etc. I try to ignore the lies my bf's malignant BPD etc mother tells her doctor, shrink, interact, aa meetings ppl, strangers etc but its hard for sure. It is def. I agree so hard having a mentally ill family member in the family/in ones life. Dealing with the abuse and negativity is hard too esp. for those that cant cut out the family member from their life and that because of how law is cant get their family members the help they need etc.
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Lilacs

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« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2017, 06:13:46 AM »

1.  It bothers us bc it is character assassination. And we feel like we are probably good people but this just rocks our world and throws us off.

2.  I am slowly starting to realize that "they know". They know who is the stable one. Don't get involved trying to clear your name. They know your BPD's character. What sane person would believe that a phone call is better than a visit in person?

Peace.
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Pina colada
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« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2017, 05:11:04 PM »

I just read all the replies, and thank you everyone!  beauty I am NC since May.  She cut me off because I told her how I felt about her not coming to see our very sick father yet she continues to ask him for money.  We have been NC before and it is easier for me.  Lilacs she does know she is sick and I am the healthy one so there is that.  I just try and ignore when things are brought to my attention.
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