Introduction

[Iamokay]

I am just getting started. My wife may suffer from BPD but no diagnosis has been made. A counselor who is working with us believes this could be the issue. We are a blended family; my 15 year old son. Her 15 year old son and 13 year old daughter. Married one year. I told our therapist that I felt like I am always walking on egg shells she introduced me to Ms. Kreger's book. The subject of BPD has not even come up yet with my wife so I have no idea where this will go. She tells me her father was borderline and narcissistic. She was abused. She was in treatment at 11. She is now 42 I am 63.  Ex husband came from wealth and was a drug addict. Died of an overdose four months after we married last year. Her daughter tried to commit suicide two weeks before he died. Her son is doing drugs. My son does not. Our home is toxic. She wants out but she wants to stay. Very tenuous where I find myself. Seeing our marriage therapist Wednesday. I feel anything is possible if you want it badly enough and I have no intention of leaving her but she might make that decision for us. Doing anything feels good to me and I am happy to have found out that something called BPD exists as I am beginning to feel sane again. Whoever reads this, thank you for taking the time.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[wendydarling]

Hello Imokay and welcome to bpdfamily 

I'm sorry for what brings you here and glad you found us, there are members in similar situations to yours, you are not alone. I'm glad you are beginning to feel sane again, it helps us having a greater understanding of what's happening and why. Have you seen the tools and lessons to the right  that help us improve any relationships we have, not just pw BPD or traits. In what way are you walking on eggshells Imokay?

WDx

[Mutt]

Hi Iamokay,



I'd like to join wendydarling and welcome you to bpdfamily. A pwBPD want emotional intimacy, closeness triggers the disorder, the closer that you are to a pwBPD the worst that the behaviors are. A pwBPD will push you away because it triggers their fear of engulfment, feeling like they're losing their sense of self in the r/s. That distance when they push you away then triggers what they fear most which is abandonment, the core criterion for BPD is the fear of abandonment. This push / pull cycle feels like crazy making behavior from the non disordered partner.

  wendydarling gave you some excellent tools / lessons, I understand how the behaviors are confusing when you don't know that the person may have BPD traits, I suggest to read as much as you can about the disorder, it help you understand why she acts the way that she does, it normalizes the behavior, it helps you with depersonalizing the behaviors.