Advice on getting my x to leave.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all.
I'm hoping to find some advice , I'm very lost and alone and don't know what to do or were to turn.
A very long story short , I was with my x partner for 9 years two of them diagnosed with BPD ,however I my self believe him to be more APD,
Over the years my x's behavior got worse and worse, over the yes he has strangled , punched, slapped,pushed,pulled,kicked,stolen from,cheated on,gas lamped, isolated spat on,and lastly my life threatened while I sleep. I have called the police on so many  occasions iv lost count and yes I took him back evey time sadly.
I'm sure if its just the REAL person has finally emerged, or he is very very ill either way my life was at risk.
He wanted me out as I'm the (bad one) , he threatened my life if I stayed, he wouldn't even let me get what I needed ( clothes toiletries).
Sadly the tenancy is in both our names, everything in the house is mine apart from his clothes and a few tools. Two cats ,seven rabbits (my baby's) .
Iv been living on my sons living room floor ( house share) with 3 other men for a week.
I have been in touch with the local council, police. They want to put me in a woman's refuge for domestic abuse.
My x has said he is leaving, but can't till his allowance comes through in two weeks time.
I'm so lost ,frightened, confused, and worried sick for my animal (with he has no money to feed) so I am getting the food for them any he picks up from my sons, I do not speak to him and try and hide as he just turns up.
Basically is he just playing games, will he really leave? If not how do I get him to? Am I going to loose everything?. Is their a way I can communicate with him to get him to leave?.
I have put up with so much , given him everything I could,I tried everything to get him help.
Please if any one has any advise it will be gratefully received.

[Tattoobunny]

Hi all.
I'm hoping to find some advice , I'm very lost and alone and don't know what to do or were to turn.
A very long story short , I was with my x partner for 9 years two of them diagnosed with BPD ,however I my self believe him to be more APD,
Over the years my x's behavior got worse and worse, over the yes he has strangled , punched, slapped,pushed,pulled,kicked,stolen from,cheated on,gas lamped, isolated spat on,and lastly my life threatened while I sleep. I have called the police on so many  occasions iv lost count and yes I took him back evey time sadly.
I'm sure if its just the REAL person has finally emerged, or he is very very ill either way my life was at risk.
He wanted me out as I'm the (bad one) , he threatened my life if I stayed, he wouldn't even let me get what I needed ( clothes toiletries).
Sadly the tenancy is in both our names, everything in the house is mine apart from his clothes and a few tools. Two cats ,seven rabbits (my baby's) .
Iv been living on my sons living room floor ( house share) with 3 other men for a week.
I have been in touch with the local council, police. They want to put me in a woman's refuge for domestic abuse.
My x has said he is leaving, but can't till his allowance comes through in two weeks time.
I'm so lost ,frightened, confused, and worried sick for my animal (with he has no money to feed) so I am getting the food for them any he picks up from my sons, I do not speak to him and try and hide as he just turns up.
Basically is he just playing games, will he really leave? If not how do I get him to? Am I going to loose everything?. Is their a way I can communicate with him to get him to leave?.
I have put up with so much , given him everything I could,I tried everything to get him help.
Please if any one has any advise it will be gratefully received.

[WifeOfProbableBP]

Are there any legal service organizations or a tenant's council in your area? It sounds to me like you could use some legal advice.
 
I'm in somewhat of a similar situation. However, in my situation, there hasn't really been physical abuse.
My X is not on my lease. Because of his antics, I haven't been able to live in my rental for months despite continuing to pay rent. A legal consultant said that I could have started an eviction process myself, without the landlord, but now I don't have enough time before the lease is up. Like your situation, my X keeps saying he can't move out yet, because he can't afford to. In my case, I have to just try to repair the damage he's caused to the property as best as I can while he's still there (brutal). Then I have to cross my fingers that he gets out by the end of the lease, or be prepared to deal with the wrath of the landlord.

As far as your things, where I live, you can call and schedule the police or constable (preferably, because they aren't as busy as the police) to actually come stand-by while you get some things from the house.

I wonder, legally, if it might benefit you to stay in the women's shelter. I think you have more legal options if you are the victim of physical abuse. Maybe you can get a protective/restraining order for yourself and have the landlord evict him. The landlord cannot penalize you if there is a domestic violence situation.

If he's anything like my X, I doubt he's actually going to move out on his own accord any time soon. It'll be excuse after excuse. So I think you should at least START the process of getting a protective order and eviction, in case he does not leave.

As far as communicating with him goes, I don't think it is safe for your physical & emotional wellbeing to communicate with him on your own at all. I think the only people communicating with him should be a lawyer, policeperson, or landlord. If you DO communicate with him by phone, text would be better, because it is documented. Does he have any trustworthy friends or family that you could contact to speak to him on your behalf?

I am SO sorry that you are going through this. Please keep me posted. Let me know what you think about what I've said or have any questions. Feel free to send me a private message. We're in this together. 

[Mutt]

Hi Tattoobunny,

Wow what a story. I'm so sorry to hear that. I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm glad that you decided to join us, it helps to talk to others that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. Please keep in mind that staff are volunteers and it looks like you've reached out for professional help in real life 

I have been in touch with the local council, police. They want to put me in a woman's refuge for domestic abuse.

My advice is listen to the professionals, I'd take your pet out, I wouldn't worry about your things, you can always replace them, think safety first!

[wendydarling]

Hi Tattoobunny

I join Mutt - welcome to bpdfamily  . I'm glad you reached out for support and sorry for what you are dealing with. I'd like to encourage you to reach out to the Women's Crisis Home where you will feel safe and have wonderful people on hand 24/7 to support you deal with the immediate and also help you work through your next steps. They are great safe spaces where you can rest. Do you think that maybe a good option to consider at this point?

wendydarlingx

[lovenature]

The less attention (reactions) you give him the better, it might be best for you to think about leaving instead of trying to get him to leave: PWBPD try to hold onto an attachment, so he will pull at your heart strings to try and hang onto you.

Try to do what works best for YOU!