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Author Topic: Is it okay just to ignore her and not acknowledge her when I see?  (Read 489 times)
JaxWest
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: June 20, 2017, 02:36:15 PM »

Does it make me a bad person if I just walk by and not say hi when I see her? I have seen her a few times and have not even acknowledged her or said hi. The girl stalks me, so I don't want to even put any effort into acknowledging her. What do others do?
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Harley Quinn
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« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2017, 03:03:07 PM »

Hi Jax,

I've been doing exactly as you have.  My exBPDbf appears to have moved back into my area and around ten minutes from my home so I have seen him LOTS the last couple of weeks.  Saw him 3 hours ago as I was arriving for a class I've been attending.  Last week he was passing as I left it.  He is regularly around at the shopping centre up the road where I go for the gym and other stuff.  I simply walk along and pretend he's a total stranger.  If I engage with him then I'm breaking my NC and inviting trouble.  So I don't acknowledge him full stop.  It isn't natural, as we're kind hearted people so I can understand you putting the question out.
Ask yourself if you're being a bad person to yourself though if you do anything differently.  That's the key question here.

Love and light x
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Mutt
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« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2017, 05:04:39 PM »

Hi JaxWest,

In a situation like that I would think Obligation in FOG, am I obligated to greet her if she acts in a way that I have to have boundaries?

My ex was at the family BBQ at my kids school, all three of them go the same school and every year before the end of school they have a BBQ with bouncy castles. She's adamant about this going if it's on my time, pick your battles, the kids will see mom, her bf and their baby sister and they'll ask if the can hang with them. I don't have an issue with that because the r/s is between the kids and mom and the kids and dad, I don't get in between their r/s with mom. That being said, I have to talk to her in a situation like that, we're in public, I might say a few words and that's it. I don't greet her or say Hi though.
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Kinglychee1928

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« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2017, 09:00:37 PM »

I do the exact same thing like you do, I do not acknowledge my exBPDbf at work. I ignore him daily, not even eye contact, even when he reaches out to say hi. I pretend he is invisible. I've tried to be reasonable and nice for the past 3 years, to just say hi in the hallway, give one word response without giving personal information. But as soon as I start with "hi", his black and white thinking gives him the thought that it's a "go", "everything is fine and back to normal". And he will start stopping by my office like 3 times a day, following me around at work... .etc.

Protect yourself, acknowledging by even a simple greeting does not only mean greeting to them, it becomes an opening. It's very hard and I struggle daily, but stay strong, you are not alone.
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JaxWest
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« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2017, 10:46:11 AM »

I am glad I am not alone with this. She has said hi to my coworker and I as we walked by, but I still ignored her. This is new to me, because I always say hi, even if I don't care for the person. I think it is the most fair thing for me to do though. She took advantage of me and intruded in my life, repeatedly. She deserves for me to ignore her.
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