We are Strong

[Tattered Heart]

This morning while taking my shower (where I do a lot of my good thinking), I was recalling my H behavior over the last few days. He has been edgy, but hasn't really been directing things at me until right before bed when he got mad at me for having family traditions at Christmas. We were watching Last Man Standing, turned off the TV to go to bed, and he started in on this subject. No clue where it came from except all day he has been looking for someone to fight with.

One of his frequent arguments about me is that he thinks I'm mentally weak. I've never taken this too serious because I know it's not true, but this morning I was thinking of this accusation.

I'm nowhere near mentally weak at all. None of us on this board are weak. We may have weak boundaries. We may be weak in not saying things we need to say, but we are not mentally weak. We are able to withstand the ups and downs of a BPD relationship. This is not something for the weak minded. It takes guts and fortitude to constantly validate and support and respond to conversations differently than in a normal relationship.

Many psychologists, who are trained in handling difficult behavior, refuse to treat people with BPD yet we live in it every single day. At the same time, our pwBPD was drawn to us because they saw something in us that made them feel safe and strong. A person doesn't find an emotional supply from someone who is weak.

I just wanted to encourage you all. No matter what your pwBPD says to you: You are strong. You are worthy. You are smart. You are valued. 

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[isilme]

One of his frequent arguments about me is that he thinks I'm mentally weak. I've never taken this too serious because I know it's not true, but this morning I was thinking of this accusation.

I'm just gonna toss this out here - I bet he feels HE is mentally weak, and recognizes on some level that you are not, and THAT is a source of shame for him and anger at you... .so he projects it. 

H, in his more introspective moments, tells me he realizes that I am the one who has to be more steady and more capable, and he hates how weak it makes him feel. 

[BeagleGirl]

Thanks for this Tattered Heart.  Even when we know on some level that we are strong, it's really nice to be reminded of it (and to know that others see that strength).

[Lakebreeze]

That was so nice to hear. Thanks!

[eggfry]

I'm nowhere near mentally weak at all. None of us on this board are weak. We may have weak boundaries. We may be weak in not saying things we need to say, but we are not mentally weak. We are able to withstand the ups and downs of a BPD relationship. This is not something for the weak minded. It takes guts and fortitude to constantly validate and support and respond to conversations differently than in a normal relationship.

Many psychologists, who are trained in handling difficult behavior, refuse to treat people with BPD yet we live in it every single day. At the same time, our pwBPD was drawn to us because they saw something in us that made them feel safe and strong. A person doesn't find an emotional supply from someone who is weak.

I just wanted to encourage you all. No matter what your pwBPD says to you: You are strong. You are worthy. You are smart. You are valued. 

Thank you, so so much. Needed to hear this

[Tattered Heart]

I'm just gonna toss this out here - I bet he feels HE is mentally weak, and recognizes on some level that you are not, and THAT is a source of shame for him and anger at you... .so he projects it. 

H, in his more introspective moments, tells me he realizes that I am the one who has to be more steady and more capable, and he hates how weak it makes him feel. 

Totally true. It really freaks him out when I am not behaving in steady manner or when I feel incapable of doing something. He has said it scares him.