New Here - Going thru the beginning...

[Cinder2017]

Hello,
I am so relieved to find yet another resource for family member's of a loved one with BPD. Mine is my husband. We have been married a total of 10 months. His BPD did not become apparent until about Month 3 and even then, only when I happened upon an article about BPD last month, did we begin to explore this because the description was dead on. 

It has been incredibly difficult. I have never experienced this kind of issue before and my mother was bipolar while my father was an addict. I have PTSD/Anxiety/Depression. My husband is a month into his treatment of meds, therapy, and has signed on for classes.  We have had A LOT happen in the short time we have been married - and my own issues have been triggered due to the death of my father in November and losing my job in December.  I have been through a lot in my lifetime - I am 39 - but this is the worst I have been through yet. I love my husband and want him to get better. He does too.

Our biggest issue currently is getting through these first few months of him (finally)starting treatment. He has been mis diagnosed multiple times when he was younger and thus was afraid of therapy for a very long time until I told him our marriage would not survive without it. It is especially hard when friends tell me I could just leave him and spare myself but that I am voluntarily putting myself through this - 'sigh'. I don't expect everyone to understand - some days I don't even - which is why I am here now. I am seeking any and all support for a family member experiencing this because those who have no experience with this disorder just do not understand and this is hard enough as it is. He wants to beat this but its going to be very hard for us both as we push ahead. Somedays, I just want to give up. Other days, I am so hopeful. Today I had a small breakdown and went to an urgent crisis clinic for support. It helped me so much so I decided to seek more support and, again, this is why I am here.  Thank you for reading and for helpful and kind responses.  I have a lot more to learn so thank you for patience too.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Cinder2017,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that you had a difficult day, I'm glad that you have found us. It's hard for others to understand what it's like to be in r/s when your partner suffers from BP, it's easy for others watching in from outside what to do, at the end of the day a r/s is a personal choice. I'm glad to hear that your H is motivated to overcome BPD  

I have anxiety / depression too, it helps to talk to others that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. This is a safe place where you can share your thoughts and feelings without being judged or invalidated. It helps to talk. You can find the lessons on the right side of the board   I suggest to read as much as you can about BPD, similar to reading about anxiety and depression. It helps to normalize and also depersonalize the behaviors. I'm looking forward to reading your posts.