Weight loss and loss of appetite/vomiting

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

One of the things I'm struggling with at the moment is a complete loss of appetite. I know that self care is extremely important so I don't want this to get more out of control.

Anything I am eating is being forced, and it isn't uncommon for me to actually vomit if I manage to force down a reasonable amount. In the past 6 weeks I have lost 18 pounds. I can't afford to lose much more and certainly not at this rate.

Has anyone else experienced this physical response to the stress of their breakup? Any ideas? A friend has suggested drinking Ensure shakes or something comparable. I am willing to do that as a short term measure but would like to be able to enjoy real food as soon as possible.

Thanks for any ideas... .

[Lalathegreat]

One of the things I'm struggling with at the moment is a complete loss of appetite. I know that self care is extremely important so I don't want this to get more out of control.

Anything I am eating is being forced, and it isn't uncommon for me to actually vomit if I manage to force down a reasonable amount. In the past 6 weeks I have lost 18 pounds. I can't afford to lose much more and certainly not at this rate.

Has anyone else experienced this physical response to the stress of their breakup? Any ideas? A friend has suggested drinking Ensure shakes or something comparable. I am willing to do that as a short term measure but would like to be able to enjoy real food as soon as possible.

Thanks for any ideas... .

[Emotions]

Greek yogurt and granola or cheerios is what I survive on... .naked protein shakes too... .bananas

[panhead67]

Hi lala,
Yes, I experienced a severe physical response to the discard. I had a relapse of epstein barr virus, and what was thought to be a gallbladder attack, which I ended up in the e.r. several times.  It was my body responding to the shock of everything... .a struggle for me to jus get up in the morning to work. In two months or so I had lot 30 pounds.
Start your morning with two teaspoons of organic coconut oil(in glass jar, buy at your local health food store) and sips of clean/filtered water after 20 minutes or so, your system should be able to handle small bites or sips of something for nourishment. I would recommend googling alkaline diet, and the blood type diet. it will calm your nervous system down, and enable u to get back on your feet. Easy does it, but do it. Be gentle.

[patientandclear]

Yes, I had no appetite for months after, and became scary skinny. Never had experienced anything like that before. My life force was seriously sapped.

The cure is the restoration of meaning from sources other than that relationship. Takes time and patience.  I found it helpful eventually to acknowledge how big an impact the sadness and shock had had on me, and allocated myself however much space and time it might take to move beyond it.

Your body will right itself eventually. Sorry this is such a rough passage.

[Lalathegreat]

Thank you everyone! Your advice helps... .I will try the coconut oil in the morning. I know that this will be ok in time, but at the moment it is so overwhelming.

[Larmoyant]

Hi LaLa, I lost a lot of weight too, but have regained it now and started to look much better. It’s early days for you so please don’t worry. Try to eat small amounts regularly. Eventually you’ll enjoy food again. Hang in there 

[balletomane]

I lost weight very quickly after the discard and became medically underweight. I just had no appetite at all and felt sick with grief and pain all the time, especially when I ate. I found it helped to eat liquid foods (lots of soup) and things that were easy to swallow. Be gentle with yourself. You will get back to normal in the end.

[earlyL]

Hi,

Sadly yes I know exactly what you mean and felt the same. Soup and yogurt I found the best and to keep some kind of strength up. Your appetite will come back, mine took quite a while and I thought it might never come back, but it did, but not at the time I thought it would, it is all such a strange process. Plain biscuits are good too, make sure you have a bit of sugar if you can.

E

[once removed]

in my case, the anxiety and depression needed to lift a bit for me to be able to eat. some people when depressed, or anxious, find themselves unable to eat. unfortunately, not eating drives depression and anxiety.

supplements (i took passion flower for anxiety) helped get my body far less out of whack, and then everything else became far easier to manage.

[allienoah]

During a 2-month discard last year I lost 25 pounds, cried all the time, and had little energy. That is part of the reason my kids can't stand him, They watched what it did to me. I tried very hard to just enjoy this and that, but it took awhile not to feel so empty. And then, when I was getting stronger and starting to enjoy life again-RECYCLED! Not blaming him, I went back.

[HelenaHandbasket]

Strong ginger tea will do wonders for your tummy.  So sorry you're feeling sick.   

[HelenaHandbasket]

And if you don't like ginger tea, try candied ginger (you can find it in the bulk food section of most grocery stores).

[chillamom]

Allienoah and Lala, Yes, it happened to me for sure DURING the initial part of the relationship.  At that point, it was almost welcome, because I was overweight and it ultimately resulted in a loss of close to 100 pounds.  He kinda jump started it but my appetite never returned for a LONG time.  All kidding aside, thought, it's happening again during this latest recycle, and my stomach hurts constantly from the stress, vomiting is pretty common as well.  The cognitive dissonance is killing me….and allienoah, I would love to talk with you about the "kid" issue.  My kids don't even know that I'm seeing him again, but one of the many reasons they detested him was because of how miserable and low energy I was when he was around.  Why, oh why, did I go back?  Honestly, I have one foot out the door already and know I won't do this much longer, but it's already taking a toll and the latest recycle hasn't even been a month. 

[chillamom]

Lala, I swear, treat it like morning sickness.  Ginger tea as noted would be healthy, but ginger ale and saltines work pretty well too…I think a BPD relationship is way more stressful on the body than my twin pregnancy was!

[stimpy]

So sorry you are going through this, like so many others, yes I also had loss of appetite and weight loss following the shock of the discard.

For me, I just ate just very simple food, and I lived on cheese sandwiches and ham sandwishes for about a month. I was advised to eat little and often, and to forget about worrying about what was "normal", just get by day by day and more normal routines slowly returned.

I'd also say that if you are getting really worried about this, and it continues, then maybe seek medical advice to help see you this.

[Grey Kitty]

In the "normal/natural" category:

A breakup (even without the toxic BPD additions) will make most people depressed, at least for a while.

Depression often changes appetite. Some people eat more for comfort when depressed and gain weight. Some people stop eating/lose their appetite when depressed.

You are clearly losing yours.

I also know some people who have needed antidepressants (temporarily) after a breakup. They can help a lot... .and that may restore appetite. Some also have a side effect of weight gain or weight loss.

Take care of yourself, try to eat better even when you don't feel like it... .and don't be afraid to seek treatment for depression if you need it.

[allienoah]

Allienoah and Lala, Yes, it happened to me for sure DURING the initial part of the relationship.  At that point, it was almost welcome, because I was overweight and it ultimately resulted in a loss of close to 100 pounds.  He kinda jump started it but my appetite never returned for a LONG time.  All kidding aside, thought, it's happening again during this latest recycle, and my stomach hurts constantly from the stress, vomiting is pretty common as well.  The cognitive dissonance is killing me….and allienoah, I would love to talk with you about the "kid" issue.  My kids don't even know that I'm seeing him again, but one of the many reasons they detested him was because of how miserable and low energy I was when he was around.  Why, oh why, did I go back?  Honestly, I have one foot out the door already and know I won't do this much longer, but it's already taking a toll and the latest recycle hasn't even been a month. 

Chillamom I would be glad to discuss this with you... .it is such a strain on an already tedious situation that it drains the heck out of me. I am always asked by the kids why I don't just dump him already, I can do so much better, on and on. I've had one foot out the door for some time now. I unfortunately fall victim to love bombing way too often-which is what I am working on now-the "why" of that.

[Lalathegreat]

Ugh - these BPD mother___ers!

Sorry, had to say it. I can't even begin to tell you how much good this thread has done me. I'm so relieved to hear this falls somewhere in the spectrum of "normal" for these circumstances.

But I'm reading our pain and seeing how much damage is done physically as well as emotionally and it's just really ___ing pissing me off. It's like our pwBPD are these private little tornados that reduce everything to a barren wasteland and then continue on their merry way as if nothing had happened... .

Seriously. ___ them!

[Emotions]

A ___in men!

[kc sunshine]

I totally lost weight too! I had regained it and then in just a week's reconnection with the ex-- lost 5 pounds again! Whew! Shakes help too-- banana peanut butter smoothies, yum.

[lovenature]

Ya I experienced many physical symptoms, including weight loss and vomiting. I did drink meal replacements for a while when it was tough to eat. Try to go with how you feel: if you're feeling a bit better then eat, if you're having a tough time then do what you have to in order to get to the next day.
Stay NC and focus on you.

[Gemsforeyes]

Oh Good Heavens, yes!  I lost 40+ pounds and was threatened by a doctor with hospitalization if I didn't gain weight and FAST!  So the only thing I could think of was Hershey bars.  And I don't even like milk chocolate, but I needed pounds!

My whole metabolism changed after that and I still fight to keep weight on this body... .very strange.

I did discover Muscle Milk.  Lots of protein in there and minimal sugar.  Almond butter is also really good for you and tastes great on pita, bread or even celery. 

My real "secret sauce" is Great Eastern Sun organic Haiku Twig Tea.  This tea balances me, and through all of my downs and DOWNS, I did NOT even get a cold.  This was following my separation and divorce, when I was thrown across the room by my loving husband; followed by 8 months of tortuous behavior, then I fled my home, my community, all my friends, my job, my beloved state, you get the picture.  I lost all that weight, looked like a little scarecrow, But I drank my tea and still do.  You can either use vanilla soymilk or raw sugar to sweeten, or drink it naked.  It'll soothe whatever ails you, Lala.

Take good care.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

[DazedD40]

When I went through a discard last year I didn't eat right for around 3 months. Eating was a massive chore to me and seeing as there was no appetite whatsoever I'd go days without anything. Knowing I wasn't doing myself nor my health any good I started making myself fruit and veg smoothies and drinking lots of water and taking multi vitamin tabs to keep myself going until my appetite returned. I was advised that living on minerals wasn't the best idea but for me during that period it kept me going.

Im currently going through another break up with her, yet again and I'm back in the same place with my appetite so I've gone back to the smoothly routine. Keeps me a float and at least I know I'm getting goodness inside me whilst my body goes through its stress.