Hi! I'm new to this board, coming from the detached board . I am the adult child of a Borderline/ NPD uBPD mother and deceased narcissistic father. My father was not NPD but did have strong narc features with co dependency ... he was the enabler of her crazyness, and left my sister and I with her, as he was a workaholic to get away from her. I have struggled my entire life to overcome the scars my mother inflicted on me as a child, thru teen and continued on thru adulthood.
Hi Aldactone,
Welcome to the board!
I'm also an adult child of an uBPD/NPD mother and uNPD/enabling father. He believed her lies, though, and believed we caused her to act that way. I've also struggled my entire life to overcome the emotional scars.
I have confronted her, on many occasions to which she of course turned the tables never being responsible for anything.
I commend you for your tremendous bravery in confronting her. But part of the disorder of BPD is that they never take responsibility for anything and always turn the tables.
At 9 years old, she started telling me I was worthless, I would never amt to anything, and end up having a house full of kids. I guess showed her... I never had any.
This pained me because I was told the same exact thing. I often overheard her saying it, too. Words sting.
But you must know that they are words said by a person with a mental illness. They were not words of truth. They are lies. Every time you have the self awareness that those words are back in your head, tell yourself they are lies put there by a mentally ill woman.
She is old now, compounded with being a hoarder, ( burned one house down) and alone. I have tried to love from afar, but find it so hard... never have really healed from the damage. She chose me to live thru... and I was basically given over to her by my father... .Has anyone else struggled, and found peace? I feel my life has been ruined ... She's a taker... an emotional vampire, and draining to be her in presence. Has anyone else experienced this depth of abuse, and have you found any peace? If so how? Thank you for your input...
I've never heard of someone with BPD being a hoarder but actually it makes a lot of sense. If pwBPD lack a "self" and have a profound state of "emptiness" and lack of identity, then it does make sense that some would turn to hoarding to try to fill up the void. It's very sad. But not your job to fix.
Most pwBPD are emotional vampires. It's like their drug is our energy and our souls. If you find it's draining to be in her presence, then perhaps setting a time limit for each get together or phone call would be helpful.
I've struggled a lot and am slowly finding peace. It's a process. Going very low contact helped, but then old feelings come back when I am in contact. Please don't think of your life as ruined. We always have a new chance every new day to tell ourselves that we can overcome this. This website offers not just a message board, but a lot of excellent tools, links, and resources to help us heal.
Hugs
