Introduction

[Langdale]

Hello there 
I joined this group in the hope to get some support . my
partner\ husband of 4 years has BPD. He is very much aware of his condition and receives help. Most of the time we get along fine. But I feel he needs me to be the strong person who gives support all the time. I need a place to unload and get support too. Even more so as my job is to work with vulnerable people.
So I hope this blog will help. I am happy to share my experience with you here

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[onelittleladybug]

Hi Langdale!



Im so glad you are here. Apologies that your post went under the radar, a lot of us have been away for the holiday weekend.

I just wanted to commend you for taking this step to join. Its so important for us to look after ourselves first and foremost. The help I have received here has made all the difference and Ive had a much easier time dealing with my r/s with a pwBPD. But more than anything else it has helped me deal with myself.

Im looking forward to reading as you share with us your experience. I read your other post and I have a feeling I could learn a thing or two from you! We are here to support and learn from each other. Ive had many professional caretakers in my family and I know from experience that caretakers, whether in a professional or personal capacity, dont always remember to do the same for themselves.

It sounds like your SO also has anxiety related symptoms. I admire you for the insights you shared about that. I imagine it must sometime be challenging for you. How are you holding up? Are you going to therapy? Do you get time to do things for yourself?

Feel free to share more about your situations, thoughts and feelings. Once again Im so happy you decided to join us.

[Langdale]

Hello onelittleladybug
So nice to get a reply to my first tentative to share my worries and concerns but also my joies. Since I met my partner i feel I for the first time really happy. He is such a good companion. Even though it is not easy all the time.
No I am not in therapy or have any other support in the moment. Joining the board is my first step in looking after myself. I am thinking of looking for a Therapist but more for supervision to cope better with my husbands difficult moments and also for work. You are right people in caring professions do often not look after themselves I am the first to hold my hand up. I hope that this board helps me to unload a bit and share with others who understand how it is to live with someone who has BPD. I have also decided to join a Yoga class again which I have given up several years ago due to work pressures. It is a start.
I have been in Therapy for 5 years this came to an natural end a year after I met him I gained lot of insights through this. Also my work has taught me a lot. I constantly meet people in crisis, and in danger of selfharm or suicide. This has taught me to stay calm and keep a clear head.
What do you do to recharge your batteries?
Yes my S/O has "complex mental health issues" as the professionals call it. Having seen combat in the Armed Forces he suffers from PTSD, hyper vigilance and occasional panic attacks triggered mainly by unusual noises or overcrowded places. And they somehow reinforce and trigger each other... .
This sounds properly very bad but most of the time he is ok and tries to get on with his life. We get on very well he never "attacks me" and we do not fight. What saves him and our relationship is that he accepts his condition and can talk about it. He also has some support from Veterans Charities and local MH Services even though not half as much as he needs.
He can get very angry and rude with other people when he feels "attacked" or unjustly treated. Which has put him in the past in difficult situation. But then again he is very sociable. 18 months ago we moved to another part of the country into a small town. He has made much more new friends and contacts than I have.
What I find difficult is that he cannot give me the emotional support I need I have always to be the strong one. He cannot bare to see me sad or angry which makes him very worried and anguish. Immediately thinking he has done something wrong.
His feelings and problems take center stage all the time. I think he is aware of this and tries to compensate by doing a lot of practical things for me. He also does most of the housework so I do not have to do anything when I come home from work.
WOW that feels really good to write all this I cannot speak with many people about this.
I stop for today need to get some sleep