2 months no contact just abruptly ended at the gym

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hey Everyone,

I made my first post last week after lurking the forum the last couple months, and making the connection that my ex girlfriend exhibits almost every single trait of BPD, as well as a few narcissistic ones. My first post was mostly just for catharsis purposes, very long and wordy, so anyone who was able to read it, i commend you. I’ll keep this one short.

Been together 6 years, on and off the whole time, her mother passed away 3 years ago, things appeared to escalate (physical violence, suicide threats, heavier drug use etc) afterwards. Last year she got into a relationship with a “friend”, and triangulated me as I tried to win her back. Eventually I walked away, then she tried to come back. We had been seeing each other all winter, right up until about Mothers day of this year, so 2 months ago. She was demanding an official label and a relationship, which I told her I wasn’t comfortable yet, and that we both required some therapy and to work on ourselves first, but that we were still “together” or “seeing each other”. Obviously that wasn’t good enough for her. She stayed here on her birthday, end of april, and again that weekend. All seemed good, but thats when we had the discussion, or should I say fight about our label. I then took her to the women shelter, as she wanted to donate all of her moms clothes before mothers day. That was the last time I saw her, or at least while she was with me. The monday after mothers day (5 days after donating her mothers belongings), I happened to rollerblade past her and her new boyfriend out walking his dog at the park. She gave me a sheepish wave behind his back, never seen her look so shameful/embarrassed before, but I kept going. Messaged her once a week later about getting my things back, she started a fight, and then had her boyfriend threaten me and tell me I couldn’t contact her anymore unless it was through him. No contact since.

Well, today of all days (first therapy appt in an hour from now), I saw her. I was at the gym, I go at the same time everyday, she has since stopped going, haven’t seen her anywhere for that matter in 7wks. I was just finishing my workout, and saw her walk in, all smiley, walking very fast as she always does, her body motions just scream somethings not right. She must have caught a glimpse of me, she was at the back of the gym squatting, and I noticed and instant change. Seething angry face, body movements became much faster, slamming weights, looked very uncomfortable. I was with my good friend, who was in a similar relationship that ended last year, and has been my life line. She said I looked composed, smiling, happy. I never made any eye contact with her, and left shortly after. I was shaking, heart bounding, felt like I was having a small panic attack. I didn’t leave right away, as I had a few small things to finish and some mobility work to do. My ex-gf appeared to be getting more and more enraged, and a few of my buddies who work at the gym noticed this as well. They also said they haven’t seen her in months at the gym. I’m just venting right now, it really affected me, I still can’t seem to calm down. My friend commented that she looked like she was on drugs (hx of daily weed, and cocaine abuse). Very skinny, eyes sunken in, could see all the pimples on her cheeks that she had make up caked over, extremely fast bodily movements, like jerky motions. It was intense just to observe from an outsiders perspective. She was also wearing the shoes I bought her 4 yrs ago, as well a shirt that I got gotten her a few years back. They said out of sight is out of mind with BPD’s, but now that she has seen me, and reacted in that manner, what should I expect? 2 months with her new soulmate, I can only assume the fighting and chaos has already began, hopefully it’s the last I’ll see of her for a while, but deep down, I feel like now there may be a recycle attempt in the near future.

Anyways, just venting here about how I’m feeling. I don’t feel anger, but I do feel some fear, betrayal, just overall felt very anxious and still do. I guess its a good day to start therapy!

[Fishmedic]

Hey Everyone,

I made my first post last week after lurking the forum the last couple months, and making the connection that my ex girlfriend exhibits almost every single trait of BPD, as well as a few narcissistic ones. My first post was mostly just for catharsis purposes, very long and wordy, so anyone who was able to read it, i commend you. I’ll keep this one short.

Been together 6 years, on and off the whole time, her mother passed away 3 years ago, things appeared to escalate (physical violence, suicide threats, heavier drug use etc) afterwards. Last year she got into a relationship with a “friend”, and triangulated me as I tried to win her back. Eventually I walked away, then she tried to come back. We had been seeing each other all winter, right up until about Mothers day of this year, so 2 months ago. She was demanding an official label and a relationship, which I told her I wasn’t comfortable yet, and that we both required some therapy and to work on ourselves first, but that we were still “together” or “seeing each other”. Obviously that wasn’t good enough for her. She stayed here on her birthday, end of april, and again that weekend. All seemed good, but thats when we had the discussion, or should I say fight about our label. I then took her to the women shelter, as she wanted to donate all of her moms clothes before mothers day. That was the last time I saw her, or at least while she was with me. The monday after mothers day (5 days after donating her mothers belongings), I happened to rollerblade past her and her new boyfriend out walking his dog at the park. She gave me a sheepish wave behind his back, never seen her look so shameful/embarrassed before, but I kept going. Messaged her once a week later about getting my things back, she started a fight, and then had her boyfriend threaten me and tell me I couldn’t contact her anymore unless it was through him. No contact since.

Well, today of all days (first therapy appt in an hour from now), I saw her. I was at the gym, I go at the same time everyday, she has since stopped going, haven’t seen her anywhere for that matter in 7wks. I was just finishing my workout, and saw her walk in, all smiley, walking very fast as she always does, her body motions just scream somethings not right. She must have caught a glimpse of me, she was at the back of the gym squatting, and I noticed and instant change. Seething angry face, body movements became much faster, slamming weights, looked very uncomfortable. I was with my good friend, who was in a similar relationship that ended last year, and has been my life line. She said I looked composed, smiling, happy. I never made any eye contact with her, and left shortly after. I was shaking, heart bounding, felt like I was having a small panic attack. I didn’t leave right away, as I had a few small things to finish and some mobility work to do. My ex-gf appeared to be getting more and more enraged, and a few of my buddies who work at the gym noticed this as well. They also said they haven’t seen her in months at the gym. I’m just venting right now, it really affected me, I still can’t seem to calm down. My friend commented that she looked like she was on drugs (hx of daily weed, and cocaine abuse). Very skinny, eyes sunken in, could see all the pimples on her cheeks that she had make up caked over, extremely fast bodily movements, like jerky motions. It was intense just to observe from an outsiders perspective. She was also wearing the shoes I bought her 4 yrs ago, as well a shirt that I got gotten her a few years back. They said out of sight is out of mind with BPD’s, but now that she has seen me, and reacted in that manner, what should I expect? 2 months with her new soulmate, I can only assume the fighting and chaos has already began, hopefully it’s the last I’ll see of her for a while, but deep down, I feel like now there may be a recycle attempt in the near future.

Anyways, just venting here about how I’m feeling. I don’t feel anger, but I do feel some fear, betrayal, just overall felt very anxious and still do. I guess its a good day to start therapy!

[Fishmedic]

So I just had my first therapy session. Felt good to talk everything out. She specializes in PTSD, EMDR, Neurofeedback and other somatic therapies, but worked specifically with personality disorders for over 10yrs. She basically all but confirmed my suspicions of my ex being BPD based on our history together. She also asked if I’m prepared, and said based on the cycles we’ve gone through, that today was no accident. To her, it appeared deliberate (my ex knows I workout around that time), and that it won’t be long before she goes further and begins trying to make contact with me. She also confirmed that my ex was likely trying to triangulate me again by jumping into this new relationship, and that me going no contact instead of chasing, likely threw a wrench into the situation she was looking for. She also said I will without a doubt be hearing from her very soon in some way. After 2 months, and how much she’s in love with her new rebound, I thought this might have actually been the end. I guess I should have posted this in the conflicted section, as I am very conflicted over this news today. Logically, I know it won’t bring any good into my life when she decides to reconnect, but emotionally I’m still so very attached. What a strange day.

[Hopeful_Me]

Your last post sounds like you are excited and looking forward to hearing from her. That you are hoping she will seek you out again. Am I wrong?

Which means you are addicted to a sick person. You see that, right?

[Fishmedic]

I wouldn't go as far as to say that I'm excited. There is definitely a small part of me that still wants closure, or some form of reconciliation, such as a simple goodbye, no doubt. And you're very much correct about my addiction, and that's why i have started therapy, to workout my own codependancy issues, as well as why i'm posting on this board. I think yesterday just really through me off, i mean i know it did, but also, I seemed to interpret it far different than my female friend and my new T. I'm an overanalyzer by nature, so i'll just continue to work on myself and keep myself busy, because above all else, I want my life and ME back.