Ex apologized

[gettingoverit]

So I have been a member of this board since 2011 when my uBPDgf broke up with me in typical BPD fashion. Needless to say it was a complete sh*t show complete with cheating and the police being called. I was a complete mess and this board helped me get through it all. I have since moved on and have been married to a wonderful woman for coming up two years. To make a long story short I arrived home today to find a package outside of my door. In it was some photos of me (only me) when I was with my BPD ex and a card that said on the outside I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you". And on the inside it said ":)ear gettingoverit, I really felt you deserved to have all these pieces of your past. Wishing you and (my wife) a lifetime of happiness". My first response was "Holy sh*t"! I never thought this would ever happen, in fact my first response was "What does she want"? I have to say that honestly I am kinda shocked, speechless in fact. I don't know how I should take this. It's been six years. Should I take this at face value? How would any of you see this? Maybe I am over analyzing this... .viewpoints appreciated. Thanks.

[Herodias]

WOW! I would be shocked too. I would also be thinking what does she want... .even if it is just for you to be reminded of her. Maybe she is in some kind of program that is suggesting her to make amends with her past. I wouldn't contact her... .do you even still have each others phone numbers? I kind of take it as an attempt to see if you can be swayed.

[Mutt]

Hi gettingoverit,

Six years is a long time, you put it behind you and moved on. Take it at face value, there might be something going on in her life, maybe that's why you're split white.

You had a r/s, together that had an ugly ending from the sounds of it, I agree with the previous poster, don't contact her, leave it in the past where it belongs, keep moving forward.

[zeus123]

She probably wants something from you. Remember when borderlines try to contact you it's never about you or what you meant for them, your needs didn't matter during the relationship and definitely they won't matter now. Or she probably wants attention from you and when you give it to her she will drop you on your head again, or call the cops on you or accuse you of bothering her. If you contact her you will be giving away your Power and she won't think highly of you. Be the exception amongst all of her exes(I am sure they are many), stay no contact!

[Pretty Woman]

Six years and she sent you pictures of yourself. That's kinda odd. I'd take this as a reach out to gauge where you are in your marriage. My advice,don't respond. Responding will only muddle the great relationship you now have. Take her words as closure and move forward. 

❤

[hopealways]

Six years and she sent you pictures of yourself. That's kinda odd. I'd take this as a reach out to gauge where you are in your marriage. My advice,don't respond. Responding will only muddle the great relationship you now have. Take her words as closure and move forward. 

❤

100% agree with PrettyWoman. Your post gave me a good laugh btw thank you for that.
BPD are predictably unpredictable. What is VERY predictable though is that it is never about you it is always about them.  She has obviously heard you are married, her last lover dumped her and she is lonely so she wanted to slither her way back into your MIND and guess what? SHE SUCCEEDED. Don't give her any more power by responding because you will be sucked back into her vortex only to be spit out yet again.

[gettingoverit]

Thank you guys. The weird thing is that she is still married to the POS ex friend she cheated on me with, so loneliness can't be a factor. I just don't get it. She smeared my name so badly, told everyone I abused her and that she was terrified of me. Just crazy crap. Now after 6 years of radio silence she sends me this? What gives? If anything, this thing just p$ssed me off again. Why can't she just F off for good?

[happendtome]

Dont analyze it too much. Maybe she is sincere, maybe she is not. Maybe she had those pictures and she just didnt know what to do with them. She didnt want to see that past you shared, but she didnt want to put it in trash either. It doesnt really matter, its not your life anymore.
You could always thank her, but dont try to find explanations.

[Herodias]

Thank you guys. The weird thing is that she is still married to the POS ex friend she cheated on me with, so loneliness can't be a factor. I just don't get it. She smeared my name so badly, told everyone I abused her and that she was terrified of me. Just crazy crap. Now after 6 years of radio silence she sends me this? What gives? If anything, this thing just p$ssed me off again. Why can't she just F off for good?

They never let you go... .The saying I heard was. "To have, Not to hold- Until Death do you part"
She is bored and wants to stir up some drama. The best way to handle it is to do nothing. It is your way to get even (they hate being ignored) and also to avoid getting back into the drama for your own good. Trust me... .and speaking of being with the person they cheated on you with... .my exH and his paramour are going to be getting married soon. I heard a talk about what the bible says about marrying cheaters and that the devil always gets involved in that arrangement. Whether or not you are religious, it made me feel validated. They aren't happy- I am sure that is the reason for the reaching out. They have to smear your name or they would look bad in the eyes of others. They can't look like that bad one, that would ruin their perception of themselves. The only way to get her to "F" off for good is to ignore her. Block if need be.

[Harley Quinn]

Thank you guys. The weird thing is that she is still married to the POS ex friend she cheated on me with, so loneliness can't be a factor. I just don't get it. She smeared my name so badly, told everyone I abused her and that she was terrified of me. Just crazy crap. Now after 6 years of radio silence she sends me this? What gives? If anything, this thing just p$ssed me off again. Why can't she just F off for good?

Hi gettingoverit,

  Herodias mentions the possibility that she's in a program that requires she put right wrongs and this is something that crossed my mind too.  In which case she has made her effort and there is no effort required on your part.  I'd stay as you are and leave it behind you.  

If my exBPDbf sends me something in 6 years time hoping I'll reply it better be a letter from a therapist saying 'You've no further need of therapy and we consider you recovered', as that's the only way he's getting a response from me.  

I'm sure you spent enough time already trying to figure out her thought process in the past.  Let it go.

Love and light x

[KtotheK]

So I have been a member of this board since 2011 when my uBPDgf broke up with me in typical BPD fashion. Needless to say it was a complete sh*t show complete with cheating and the police being called. I was a complete mess and this board helped me get through it all. I have since moved on and have been married to a wonderful woman for coming up two years. To make a long story short I arrived home today to find a package outside of my door. In it was some photos of me (only me) when I was with my BPD ex and a card that said on the outside I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you". And on the inside it said ":)ear gettingoverit, I really felt you deserved to have all these pieces of your past. Wishing you and (my wife) a lifetime of happiness". My first response was "Holy sh*t"! I never thought this would ever happen, in fact my first response was "What does she want"? I have to say that honestly I am kinda shocked, speechless in fact. I don't know how I should take this. It's been six years. Should I take this at face value? How would any of you see this? Maybe I am over analyzing this... .viewpoints appreciated. Thanks.

Wow that is full on! 6 years! I too had an apology text from my uBPD ex 2 weeks ago after 5 months NC. I immediately questioned the motives and the reasons, why now after 5 months of nothing? I know it doesn't compare in the slightest to your 6 years, but it sent me into a spin and I tried to fathom it out... .why did she send it; why now; was she reaching out; what did she want. She was at the time on the other side of the world having left me 6 months previous to go and be free and find herself.

I did not respond and I think you should do the same! You have clearly come a very long way and I don't think you need to reply, to risk more messages coming your way! Incidentally, my ex then came back to the UK a week after I received the text! Again, I was sent into a spin and questioned the motives behind the apology and text even more.
I have heard nothing more and maybe it was just an apology and an easing of a conscience before the return ? Who knows!

I think she has changed her number, so even if I wanted to now acknowledge the text, I cannot anyway. Maybe not a bad thing anyway!

Stay strong and remember it is always about them and never about us.

[Skip]

We're all guessing and non of know her... .you do.  

Just based on what you have said, I think the photos are possibly a clue into what this is all about. She was obviously looking at them and probably looking at her life and thinking, gettingoverit was a pretty good guy, and if it was mistake to blow up your relationship, and I wasn't fair to him.

  Could it be Step Eight-Nine? Possibly. Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. The photos make me doubt this somewhat.

  Is it a probe? Possibly, she doesn't mention her marriage, even indirectly. The photos would seem to be more about her thoughts of you than her piquing your thoughts of her.

  Could it be a remorse? The photos seem to fit that.

All things considered, you could could gracefully acknowledge with something like, I have fond memories of our time together and that chapter in my life. It was a growing up experience for me (I had a lot to learn) and it helped me become a better partner for my dear Allie (wife). I really appreciate your kind sentiments. <OPTION Allie thought it was really sweet.> You're a good person.

To not respond will likely have her imaging a lot of bad things. Responding like this cuts her a break, give her positive reinforcement for what she has done, and it softly says "I'm taken".

[HoneyB33]

I disagree with a "soft reply". You owe nothing to her. Do what is best for YOU. Stay no contact. Take the photos as a sign that she is thinking of you, and just leave it there.

It took you probably years to rebuild your life after this person. She is still responsible for how she treated you. She's probably hoping that enough time has gone by that you're feeling better. These people see us like candy machines.

My immediate response was about the same as everyone else's, "Uh oh, what does she want?" Oh how we have learned. How sad too, because if this was a normal person, then you would be able to talk about things with them. These people waste every good thing. It is the saddest thing, but it still doesn't mean you owe them anything for THEIR crap. Stay strong, and keep moving on.