Loneliness

[StairwaytoHeaven]

Just feeling alone and obsessed over a woman coworker who just used and manipulating me that I build strong feelings for her and her children. She is divorced with 3 adult children in the 20and 1 young daughter of 8 years old that she used to get me to give her a lot of gifts, even expensive gifts, because i felt love for the woman coworker, but although she lead me on, there was no intimate or serious relationship and she just didn't show any corresponding feelings unless needed something or any favors. I think it's blind love since I kept on trying but need to let go. Trying and praying to let it go as all my friends and family advice me to on a good way. I have always prayed for a soul mate-significant other that I would finally get together to be married for the first time in my life.  That letting my heart flow to that one caused me to feel even more alone since I live by myself in Tampa, FL for more then 30 years, and all my family are in Puerto Rico and we do love each other as a good and bless family . I am 59 years old and thank God in Great health and have a good job and have been told handsome and good looking. There's no problem with that.

[Mutt]

Hi StairwaytoHeaven,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily.

she used to get me to give her a lot of gifts, even expensive gifts, because i felt love for the woman coworker, but although she lead me on, there was no intimate or serious relationship and she just didn't show any corresponding feelings unless needed something or any favors.

That r/s does not sounds balanced, you want to have it balanced, equal give and take or you're going to be taken advantage of.

What kind of hobbies do you have?

[vanx]

I can relate to what you have written. I think I felt like I had met my soul mate. She understood me. But my needs, as it sounds like yours, were not met. I like your self esteem and think your confidence will help you find someone you deserve.
I tried to make it work too. I know I lost some of my self doing so. It sounds like you have decided letting go is right for you. Your emotions will follow in time

[lovenature]

Welcome to the family.

I understand your feeling lonely, know that you are among many who have felt and/or do feel the same way. It appears that you were used for her needs and manipulated; the truth is that a PWBPD fears abandonment more than anything and they will push you away if you get too close because they think it will lead to you leaving them, they can't articulate any of it-they just react to their feelings. Nothing will ever be enough to show them you won't leave because sadly the closer you get, the more they push you away.

With enough time NC and education you will find that being lonely and in peace is far better than being in a BPD relationship.