It's 7.10 am UK time & I'm really struggling here

[Pedro]

It's 7.10 am UK time & I'm really struggling here. Receiving the birthday cards from ex gf's last weekend has brought me down & I'm struggling.  

Been 8 days since she's started her vacation. I've not heard from her & I have deliberately kept to NC unless she was going to contact me.

I don't want to wait till she returns from vacation to find out my fate, I love her, I miss her, I miss her family, I miss the vacation I'm not having with her for the 1st time in 6 years. I've tried so hard the last few months & won't be able to live the way we have been when she returns, can't support her anymore. My heart is so bruised I need to be moved to Detaching please for my own sanity? Trying to be strong but struggling here.
xx

[Gumiho]

Pedro~


I really have no intention to troll on you in any way. Just trying to give you a reality check as humbly as I may word it.

We're about one week into her vacation now, and you said she will come back in 2 months?

You know I too am depressed, for my (gf?) seems to give a damn about whatever heartfelt thing I encounter her with.

And I must again commend on your strength, myself and probably many more in here would be broken completely, being in your situation.

Stay strong bro~ way to go ㅠㅠ

[Gumiho]

... .it's pathetic. ... .

It's in no way pathetic.
You still love your "ex"-girlfriend, despite the pain she put you through (so do I love my silly little girl), this is called unconditional love.

How about you go on the rooftop and scream out your mind across the roofs of UK, with all force in you? ... maybe it helps a little

[Gumiho]

HERE you ended up. Right when I was replying.

I quickly edited my reply over there.

I deleted this:

Detachment. I am sure you read countless stories about that meanwhile (I did and many & times left the subforum utterly disgusted).

I just want to ask you how you intend to properly detach if you have to meet again in 7 weeks?

Sorry for the confusion.
Thanks to the mod for moving this to conflicted.


Gumiho

[Pedro]

Thanks G.

Ex gf is 8 days into a 3.5 week vacation with parents at home in TX & with new boyfriend also.
I don't want to but I was asked to be moved to Detaching this morning.  I have this 3.5 weeks to work on me more get the ball rolling legally & financially. Also start moving on may as well do it now. Not being negative or pessimistic, just practically, realistically that's all.

If she wants to reconnect then she will.

[Skip]

I have this 3.5 weeks to work on me more get the ball rolling legally & financially. Also start moving on may as well do it now.

Take an evening and rearrange the house so it is yours and, if you let her stay, she is a guest. It may help you psyche.

[Pedro]

Obviously cannot detach fully & completely in the sense of how it is advised & practised by BPD family staff & members.

She can stay till house sold, but will not get my support like she did up till her vacation last week. Will remain polite courteous professional, once legal & financial settled & I have moved home, then I will tell her there will be no communication between me & her, & if she will respectfully not contact me under any circumstances. It's common sense really which is hard to do at times when you love somebody?

[Skip]

Hope for the best, plan for the worst. I think that is where you are.

Can you tell us more about the home. Are you dependent on her to keep the home?  If you are, they you are in a vulnerable spot. You could get another roommate... .

You have to play this the way that works for you. From an outsider looking in, this could go a couple of ways.

1. She could quit her job, come back, get her stuff and say have a nice day.
2. She could come home for months, a year or more, and be a roommate while she tries to work it out with others and have you as her safety net, and then maybe reconsider your relationship... .and continue to push your boundaries (the "I love you stuff".
3. She could come back, disappointed in her visit (she probably won't share that) and give it a go for a little more while trying to fix it, grieve it. After that, she might be open to restarting with you.

All of this suggests that however much you want to get back, and however patient you are willing to be, you have to make some changes. The best time to do it is now, while she is not there to press you.

Playing the long game, which is what you selected a while back, doesn't mean being her support structure. It really means you move forward with a life that is not dependent on her, you stay attractive (to her), and you see what happens in time. This relationship she is in, has to play out.

If you say the house is going up for sail and you are moving to an apartment as soon as it closes, that is reputable and mature.

[Pedro]

My hunch or gut feeling is that no 1 will happen. She will give employer some notice 2-3 months, arrange shipping for her possessions, arrange vaccinations/travel docs for 2 of the 3 cats, but she wants me to have the youngest, as she says he's ":)addy's Boy & he gets depressed & missing you when you stay at your Mum's midweek". She's not putting that emotional crap on me, I've told her they must be kept together. The 3 cats must not be separated they are a tight feline unit that love each other. I will pay his travel costs back home,. I can't take him because I don't know what my own plans will be, & I don't want to take on another pet as well which he needs for company, he won't do well on his own?

So as said previously I want to quit this area where I live because already it is holding painful memories, everywhere we went & everything we did was together at the same venues/locations. Ideally I want a fresh start in a new town or even country?

[Gumiho]

... .Ideally I want a fresh start in a new town or even country? ... .

Aren't you jumping the gun there?
However, I can tell from myself that moving to another country certainly provides a "second chance". But now that's something you better keep in the back of your mind

[Pedro]

I'm not talking about where she originates from, I'm not a stalker it would be another country. A fresh new start for me my life/ recoup the inevitable losses on our home not being a couple & living where I live, I hate it.

I'm looking after me, I don't have an ulterior motive about her. I just hate here right now.

[Gumiho]

Understandable.
But hey you can do that anytime tbh. It took me only 3 weeks to dissolve my household in my country of origin. Household means, job, contracts, well, house and all that comes with it. You may want to consider that as emergency trip wire right now, I daresay.

[Pedro]

Sorry Skip didn't interpret question as asked. Not dependant on her to keep home. Do have to sell it to release equity to pay what she invested into at least.
Long game almost over, but I know outcome. Don't do hope with her because it's a p luxury head n heart can't afford.