Am I interpreting this correctly?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been dating recently after being apart from my x for two years. Recently, I went out with a woman a few times but started to get that feeling in my gut that something wasn't right. I admit that I crossed my own boundary of being physically intimate (passionate kissing) so soon. I ended things with her four days ago and gave her more of an explanation last night. This is what I received via text when I woke up this morning. She sent it at 4:30am.

"Can't sleep.  I need to say something.  I would not beat myself up over kissing.  We talked for hours upon hours in just 4 short days.  I felt very open with you.  There was a connection,  something easy and peaceful about our conversations.  Like we had been friends for a long time.  And that is why I asked for a kiss because I did feel those things for you.  I can guarantee I would not have had sex with you anytime soon.  Not only because we had just talked about your beliefs, but I wanted it that way too.  Something deeper, something special.  Anyway, needed to say how I felt about it for closure."

I want to see what others think about this. Whether my perceptions have become honed or whether I'm looking too deep into something benign. Either way, I feel the way I feel and don't want to date her anymore. She is a very beautiful woman but I've been down that road before. Keep in mind that our "relationship" lasted less than a week and saw each other three times.

[40days_in_desert]

I have been dating recently after being apart from my x for two years. Recently, I went out with a woman a few times but started to get that feeling in my gut that something wasn't right. I admit that I crossed my own boundary of being physically intimate (passionate kissing) so soon. I ended things with her four days ago and gave her more of an explanation last night. This is what I received via text when I woke up this morning. She sent it at 4:30am.

"Can't sleep.  I need to say something.  I would not beat myself up over kissing.  We talked for hours upon hours in just 4 short days.  I felt very open with you.  There was a connection,  something easy and peaceful about our conversations.  Like we had been friends for a long time.  And that is why I asked for a kiss because I did feel those things for you.  I can guarantee I would not have had sex with you anytime soon.  Not only because we had just talked about your beliefs, but I wanted it that way too.  Something deeper, something special.  Anyway, needed to say how I felt about it for closure."

I want to see what others think about this. Whether my perceptions have become honed or whether I'm looking too deep into something benign. Either way, I feel the way I feel and don't want to date her anymore. She is a very beautiful woman but I've been down that road before. Keep in mind that our "relationship" lasted less than a week and saw each other three times.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey 40days, What's your beef?  Do you suspect that she has BPD?  What did she do to turn you off?  It's hard to tell from your post or her text message, which seems pretty honest and straightforward.  Did you think she was rushing things or pressuring you?  It seems like something else is going on here that is not readily apparent from your post.  Fill us in, when you get a chance.

LuckyJim

[HopefulDad]

Everybody is different.  Some people are cool with kissing like that fairly soon.  You obviously aren't in that boat.  Nothing wrong with that.  Don't try to talk yourself into something you're not interested in, no matter how others view it.

[Grey Kitty]

When you end a r/s, especially if it was only a week, but ultimately this applies to any r/s:

You owe them one and only one thing when you end it: A clear statement that it is over.

You don't owe them another chance if you don't want to offer it.

You don't owe them an explanation of why you are ending it.

You do owe them clarity that it is over, and if there is a chance for something else (i.e. if you want to remain friends, etc.)

I'd just let this one go, since your gut is telling you it isn't right for you, and that is all you need to tell her if you talk again.

[Circle]

Go with your gut.
Never regret trusting your intuition.
There is always much more involved in decision making than what our conscious mind is aware of.
The unconscious puts the rest together.
What we all do end up regretting is not trusting our intuition.
All the times I have looked back, thinking... .
'If I had only trusted my gut.'

[GlennT]

Remember- It is very easy for a BPD person to fall into deeper, soulmate, levels of communication and connection after only a few dates. I sense a below the surface desperation in this woman's words. Trust your intuition. You should not tell too much about yourself so soon on future dates, and focus more on action. People with BPD are also reading these boards, and are trying very hard to fool themselves and us, so all we have is are gut feelings and intuition to go on. I also commend the emotional ease at which you've detached quickly. This shows you have healed well, with a stronger sense of independence, self-knowledge, and self-control.

[bunny4523]

Yep, I agree with everyone.  Go with your gut.  She has her closure now so if she is semi- healthy, she will go away now.  Regardless, you weren't feeling it with her so feel free to move on. 

I do think you can explore what it is that is triggering you to not want to date her.  Is it really just kissing too soon?  You might not be ready to date anyone or it might just be an off connection.  Either way, it is clearly a NO so stick to that.

I know with me personally, I wouldn't have felt a need for closure considering the short time you dated.  I would have just moved on like "whatever, your loss" and I sure has heck would not have lost any sleep over it. 

Take care!
Bunny

[truthbeknown]

Wondering if you felt "love bombed" since she asked for a kiss?   Maybe you're looking to be friends for awhile with a new partner before anything physical happens and since she asked for a kiss it kind've crossed that line?  If so, I could see how that would trigger the thought that "this is moving too fast" etc.

It's hard dating and knowing what cues to look at as negative and what is healthy etc.   

I know a couple who lived together for 1 year and NO sex until they got married.  He wanted to live with her without sex to see if she was a good life partner.  As it turns out, she is a good life partner but also I think she had been sexually abused and was okay with not having sex (and still is).

so my point is sometimes we can overcompensate too.  I think the man felt like finding a partner who wasn't focused on sex was safer in terms of finding a life partner but now he reads books about sex and how to connect with his partner on that level because i think the fire is just not there in that department.

Then i have buddies from college who had sex with their current wives pretty early on and they are still married after 20 years! 

I'm still trying to figure out what is safe for me after being with BPD type people...