Physically assaulted by ex gfs son yesterday

[jambley]

Yesterday afternoon walking from the supermarket I bumped into my ex gfs son, 23 years old. He grabbed me by the throat and choked me. I was on the ground fighting for air. It has been reported to the police. I seriously thought I was going to die.

[jambley]

I should add, this was unprovoked, he displays similar traits to his mother in borderline/anti social behaviour. I was choked so hard my nose bled. Truly disgusted how these bullies operate. Today I can barely walk, bruises on my back and arm.

[Harley Quinn]

jambley I'm really sad to hear that this happened to you.  You must have been terrified.  What happened to stop this?  Were there witnesses?  I'm so glad it has been reported to the police.  Do you know what action they have taken?  I expect you will be hearing from victim support.  I'm concerned that you have injuries and are no doubt feeling very afraid about this.  I hope you have been checked over and spoken to someone about safeguarding.  Please stay in touch so we know how you're doing.

Love and light x

[GaGrl]

Make sure you get the bruises and marks photographed and time stamped. Did you have witnesses?

[flourdust]

Horrible! I'm glad the police are involved. I agree that you should get your injuries photographed. I would also suggest that you go to the ER to be checked out -- this is both for legal documentation and also just because we want to make sure you are OK!

[Helplessly]

The advice here is all good O.P. 

But it sounds like he needs his ass kicked.

Just sayin... .

[Mutt]

Hi jambley,

Wow that would be a scary situation. I'm also glad that you reported it to the police.

Are they laying charges?

[jambley]

Hi guys, I am not feeling good today... .still very sore neck and bruising. Things have been dealt with. Thank you for your support

[jambley]

Feedback from the police yesterday.

The police visited his home address and his mother (my ex) said her son moved away from the area, doesn't know where he is or have his contact number. The policewoman found this as strange as me. I think she was lying and protecting her son. He will be sent a letter from the police and it is logged.

In the meantime I have been offered free security lights and dummy cctv for my property. Can't say I am impressed with the lying or the how he seems to have got away with it. Very cross. I just hope this is the last time.

Victim support will also be contacting me.

[jambley]

The only witnesses were the traffic. One guy stopped to ask if I was ok and I stupidly said I was fine. Didn't get his name. There were no cameras on the attack, it was out of town.

 

The advice here is all good O.P. 

But it sounds like he needs his ass kicked.

Just sayin... .

Well, I am not a violent person so karma can sort that out. I have no time for bullies, I was bullied at school... .now I am 38 it just doesn't seem right.

Thanks again for all your replies and support.

[jambley]

Despite my injuries the two things I am most cross about are:

1. My expensive ray ban sunglasses were smashed in the attack

2. Bare faced lying to a police officer by his mother.

I just cannot believe my own stupidity for getting involved with that family and their issues.

[happendtome]

Yes, these people are crazy. Even if your BPDex is not violent, then theres always some kid, her ex, your replacement or other relatives who may be violent.

Best advice is to stay away from them. Cut all contacts. Dont touch s... ., you only get dirty.

[jambley]

Thanks for your reply. I don't have contact with that family, I truly think these people are sick, devious and downright nasty excuses for humans.

[happendtome]

I agree with you that you should let karma to deal with this. Just stay away from them. These people are sick.

[jambley]

Agreed. The emotional abuse in that relationship, the physical abuse plus damage to my property by them is outrageous. They will stop at nothing, I do think BPD/npd is pathological and anti social behaviour with no remorse, embarrassment, empathy. Personality disorders are a disease inflicted on good people.

[jambley]

Ok just had a phone call from the police and he agreed she was lying. Cant take it further as no witnesses.

[DaddyBear77]

jambley, this sounds like a pretty horrific event, and you've received some validation from the officer now. It looks like you handled this as well as could possibly be expected given the circumstances.

I think we often see generalized patterns in pwBPD that include family history and unpredictable outbursts, but I think it's really important not to OVER generalize.

I hope that the resources you've enlisted can help you bring this to a conclusion and help you with whatever you need to keep yourself safe in the future

~DaddyBear77

[jambley]

Yes of course daddybear77, with respect to you and other members my over generalisation is founded from experience and also my anger. I do not wish to project or categorise other members experience, thoughts or in anyway add to anything that would not help heal the process to others.

Respect to everyone on this site.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi jambley,

Hope you're physically feeling a little less tender after the attack.  

In the meantime I have been offered free security lights and dummy cctv for my property.

Has this been arranged for you?  It's good to see that people take this seriously.  Was it via the police that this was offered?  I'm pleased that this kind of support is available.

Love and light x

[jambley]

Hi HQ, this has been arranged for me yes by the police. Feeling less bruised today.

Thank you for your support and kindness.

[jambley]

I would encourage anyone in the UK suffering from abuse in their home if they are separated to use all resources available. The police have been very understanding and supporting. I walked the same route this evening to the supermarket but had my phone to hand, very wary of pedestrians. I didn't feel safe and the exact spot the attack happened made me feel very uneasy, I had flashbacks. I will not be bullied into not being able to go about my day. Luckily I have supportive friends, a couple of which offered to beat him up... .very badly. But I refused and refuse to sink to violence. Karma is better.

Please protect yourself and your personal safety.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi jambley,

I'm sure that revisiting the scene must have been traumatic and you were brave to face that head on and not be stopped from having your normality.  Your friends sound very loyal and I'm glad you're not set on revenge as that never ends well.  They can have your back in other ways, as I'm sure they are doing.  How is your sleep at the moment?

It's reassuring to hear that the police have been supportive of you.  I found the same when I have dealt with them (which unfortunately was a lot).  A flag was put on my address so that it would be a priority to attend if I or someone else called.  They were all very kind and a woman from the specialist domestic abuse unit contacted me a couple of times to check in on me.  They take domestic abuse very seriously and get something like 5000 calls a month in Greater Manchester due to this so consider it a very important issue to tackle. 

I'd totally agree that anyone in a situation where they feel unsafe should take advantage of all the support available.  There are amazing services out there geared at helping those of us who are in that position and in my experience I always felt like I was treated without judgement of any kind, which was important to me, and was surprised at just how much support can be offered.

Here's hoping your next supermarket trip is a little easier and that each subsequent one is easier still.  Have you heard from victim support yet?

Love and light x     

[jambley]

Hi HQ, not heard from victim support yet, I am sleeping ok but not myself throughout the day. I am just cross, mostly at myself for getting involved in the first place with that family... .I have very good friends in the area (it is a small town) and they have looked at mother and the son's fb page only to steer clear of them. He will end  either badly beaten or arrested in the end and it will be nothing to do with me.

Domestic abuse is such a common issue these days, in the age of these issues being highlighted it does not make a difference. Abuse is abuse, I was gaslighted and duped in the relationship to believe it was acceptable behaviour and tolerated far too much. I have essentially lost my identity through this experience and it has cost me financially, emotionally and physically. Personally, the weight of abuse over time diminishes self respect, self esteem and self worth. My experience is not unlike any others on this site, but I consider their emotional and physical brutality absolutely vile.

Thank you for your support and letting me vent.

[jambley]

Victim support have been in contact, dummy cctv and a personal attack alarm offered plus support with emotional abuse. Very helpful.

[Harley Quinn]

Excellent news!  They were quicker than I expected which is good.  Did they offer any counselling for the emotional abuse?

Love and light x

[jambley]

Yeah, they were quick and very good at listening. She is sending the stuff first but I can't do it all at once, so I have her contact number for counselling at a later stage... .one step at a time.

[jambley]

Maybe it's a British thing but I always thank the police and thanked victim support, very appreciative of the work they do. It means a lot when someone listens to you and wants protective measures for you.

I try and see the good side, even when bruised I am still polite

[heartandwhole]

How are you doing, jambley? Are you still in contact with the victim support team?

heartandwhole

[jambley]

Hi heartandwhole,

Thank you for asking! I've come along way since the assault, these boards and reading a lot has helped me process a great deal and I am learning plenty, practising self care. Victim Support haven't contacted me further... .counselling is an option and I will ring soon and see if it is still available.

The biggest relief is that my ex has her house up for sale, so I will be very pleased when she and her son finally go. Still a bit wary of walking    round on my own, I consciously look over my shoulders and I do get cross that it happened. I will be glad to see then move, hopefully out of the local area.

Again, thanks for asking!

[heartandwhole]

counselling is an option and I will ring soon and see if it is still available.

I hope it is still available and that you will be able to take advantage of it. 

Glad to hear that you are doing better. I can understand looking over your shoulder since it happened. I know I'd be doing the same. Your ex moving can be a new start for you. 

heartandwhole