Sister's BPD Causing Huge Rift in Family With Mom Enabling Sister/Blaming Me

[keeblerc]

My 48 year old sister is estranged from her once beloved 20 year old son, her friends, family, me... .everyone except our mother who has enabled her behavior (theft of money--$300K and counting, jewelry, pills) for decades. After ODing on beta blockers and ativan last week, nearly dying in the process, she was put into an inpatient psych hospital for 3 days and even though mother and I and even her therapist felt she should stay longer, my sister fought to get out and they couldn't hold her. Mom brought her to her house b/c she wanted to keep an eye on her and also b/c my sister's apartment was, again, filthy. I expressed concern about mom and my sister living together and, in the end, the results were predictable. My mother found someone had been charging items from ETSY to her credit card ($4,000 worth) and asked me about it and I looked at the history on mom's computer and found all the charges. But as angry as mom was at my sister for this, I was the one both of them turned on.

It was my birthday and I told them all I wanted was peace and no drama. My sister invited me over for bday donuts and coffee then proceeded to cut up every photo she could find of the two of us. She threw out framed photos. She raced around screaming abuse and expressing "hatred" toward her son, her ex-husband, my daughter, her friends, me and mom.  She turned on a dime. She finally stormed out and returned to her apartment, only to call at midnight and say she'd fallen and broken her knees. She hadn't but my 82 year old mother went flying out to the hospital and took her home.

Today, I found my sister had taken my car keys. My mother believes she didn't however I've gone through garbage, and everywhere I could think. I keep the keys hanging in the front hall and saw them two hours b/f my sister left in a fury. To me, it's a no brainer; to mom, it's another opportunity to berate me and defend my sister.

I've been shouted at by both of them. Called "an instigator"(for finding ETSY charges I suppose). Mom told me I make her stress unbearable (yet when my sister tried suicide I was called in by mom from my cottage to sit with her, give mom a break, help staff to wake her, and take care of my sister's two dogs) and that she "really can't stand me; even hates me." My sister is equally nasty with the name calling. My anxiety is through the roof. I shake constantly. I can't fathom how mom can't see how wrong all of this is. I told her BPD are very manipulative and create rifts between family members. Mom said she knows this b/c she's "read every book on borderlines." Sometimes I think mom is also a borderline and like my sister getting worse.

The only thing they agree on is punishing me is an excellent idea b/c I'm the cause for all this. And by punishing, taking away the cottage; not letting me stay there; calling me crazy to the degree I'm terrified I truly am though my psychiatrist and therapist disagree; ripping apart my self-esteem and, even after my sister has stolen thousands of dollars in checks, VISA charges and jewelry with sentimental value, threatening I will be OUT of the family--and ours is small--if I "involve the police."

This is long with more detail than I'd originally intended. I can't live like this anymore but my self-esteem is so battered and I'm so confused about right and wrong, I'm paralyzed too much of the time. All I want to do today is go to bed and cry. I joined this site after reading a few stories. It's helpful to know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing your own battles with the impact this has on families.

[Kwamina]

Welcome to bpdfamily keeblerc

Your sister's behavior is definitely problematic. I can see how this could cause you so much stress.

It's horrible when family-members behave this way, I am very sorry you are dealing with all of this and that your sister attempted suicide. Was this her first suicide attempt? Does she have a history of suicidal ideation?

Sometimes I think mom is also a borderline and like my sister getting worse.

I think what you say here is also very important. I can't tell if she's BPD or not, but reading your post I too got the impression that your mother's behavior is also problematic.

Has your sister ever gotten any targeted treatment for her issues for an extended period of time?

Did you get your car keys back?

Take care

[Lilacs]

Keeblerc
BPD's are good at playing the victim and good at blaming.
I have had to keep reminding myself that my BPDsis is the one who has unstable relationships.
I have friends from high school, college, grad school and everywhere I have lived.
She is the one that has no girlfriends and two husbands.
Of course she has no girlfriends b.c. they are jealous of her looks or (fill in the blanks).
Her first divorce was all his fault.  And when she impulsively married him, two days later she was mad at him for misrepresenting himself.  Then stuck with it for 10 more years, but its still his fault.
Im sorry, you are going through this.
If this is BPD, I am learning that in the BPD world, you cannot win, and forget about winning, you cannot even get your point understood.
Peace
Lilacs