My wife just decided to separate after a minor dispute

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello, my wife and I have been together for 7 years. A few months ago, she became connected to, and fixated on, a male friend at the gym, with whom she bonded and decided that he was "fixing" her. Since the friendship wasn't romantic, she didn't feel like any boundaries were necessary. After a few months of watching the relationship develop into a full obsession, I tried to request some boundaries and it spun her into a breakdown, and she began to shun me. Within a week, she decided that she needed to be single since she "cant manage healthy friendships." She broke off all communication with the gym friend immediately, so I don't suspect that she has plans to get involved with him. She has already signed the lease for an apartment and told our kids that she is moving out in a week. I'm  heartbroken, since before this episode I've seen her shun others, while I have always been her stable and supporting go-to. I'm not sure how long this separation will last, but it shocked me how quickly she went from lifelong partner and best friend to "meh, I can do without him." Is this typical with BPD?

[Hi-desertKitty]

Hello, my wife and I have been together for 7 years. A few months ago, she became connected to, and fixated on, a male friend at the gym, with whom she bonded and decided that he was "fixing" her. Since the friendship wasn't romantic, she didn't feel like any boundaries were necessary. After a few months of watching the relationship develop into a full obsession, I tried to request some boundaries and it spun her into a breakdown, and she began to shun me. Within a week, she decided that she needed to be single since she "cant manage healthy friendships." She broke off all communication with the gym friend immediately, so I don't suspect that she has plans to get involved with him. She has already signed the lease for an apartment and told our kids that she is moving out in a week. I'm  heartbroken, since before this episode I've seen her shun others, while I have always been her stable and supporting go-to. I'm not sure how long this separation will last, but it shocked me how quickly she went from lifelong partner and best friend to "meh, I can do without him." Is this typical with BPD?

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[earlyL]

Hi desertkitty,

Welcome to BPD Family, you have come to a good strong place here where lots of members will be able to help you. This does sound like possible BPD traits from the stories I have read and my own experience, but there are other members who will be able to give you more advice and articulate better than me. When you say that you have seen her shun others - can you tell us more about that, does it feel the same now with how she is behaving with you? Have you had any kind of separation before?

You have definitely come to the right place here and I encourage you to continue sharing if that feels useful to you, it has really helped me as well as reading other peoples stories.

Stay strong, you are not alone.

EL

[Mutt]

Hi-desertkitty,



I'm sorrg that you're going through this. It certainly sound impulsive which is a BPD criterion, is she diagnosed with BPD? Do you have an update?