help

[forret]

Dear all,

knee deep in ___. Please. Please forgive my language. But so incredible sad.

History repeating itself  in my 2 year relationship with my BPD Boyfriend.

Tonight I did not have the strength to take the crap so I questioned his words, allegations, accusations and I felt I called his bluffs. I simply did not have the strength to be accused of things I had not done (accusations of lying, that I dont do,  I don't lie)

So I told him to tell me if he did not love me. And after finally he did.  He told me that he did not love me because I was dishonest (which is not true)

Even after two years what blows my mind is the lack of logic and commoan sense in his behaviour. How do the the rest of you cope with the blatantly unfairness?

How do you bear it?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi forret,

I believe you were trying to reach me.  Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment.  How are you feeling right now and how can we help?  You are very welcome to PM me if you need to speak to me privately.

Love and light x

[forret]

thank you Harley, I was just in the lowest place a person can be. I guess you know it, as only somebody who know and sadly only unfairness (injustice) knows.

I am sorry that I dont make much sense.


but tonight I feel so alone. I guess that whoever reads this post knows the feeling. it is utter and total loneliness. the feeling you have when you are treated so badly and you feel so much shame, because it is so shameful to love someone who treats you very badly.

Sorry. I know this post is pathetic. Pain was just to much to carry alone.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi forret,

I'm glad you replied before I logged off.  Was just going to bed but was concerned about you. 

Firstly, there is nothing pathetic about posting what you have.  It takes great strength to seek help.  You are talking about how you're feeling and some would not be able to do that.   

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so lonely.  You are right, I can relate to that and it's not a nice feeling to have when you are in a relationship.  It is the polar opposite of what we are seeking when we invest ourselves into a r/s with a partner.  What is the situation currently with yourself and your partner?  Can you tell us a little about the relationship as it stands and what your aims are?   

Please don't feel ashamed of the fact that you love this person.  It is a wonderful thing to be able to love, and to have a heart that cares for another who is ill, which is what you are doing.  It does however put you under a lot of strain emotionally, as being treated badly will, and it sounds to me like you are really feeling that right now.  So the important thing is to know that you are not alone in this.  We are here.  Others can understand what you are going through and may well have been exactly where you are right now and it can and does get better.  I know it's not always easy to see that, but trust me when I say this. 

I'd encourage you to reach out to family and friends too so that you can talk to someone who knows you well and is familiar with the relationship and what you are dealing with.  Are you receiving any therapy?  I feel every way you can invest in yourself will pay dividends and when you are feeling better about yourself you can make decisions and implement things that will benefit you going forwards. 

When I was in a r/s with a previous ex who was a narcissist I'd have long periods of silent treatment and total disregard from him, so when I felt alone I began to use that time to do things that were positive for me.  I'd have a long soak in the bath with candles, go online and find a personal development webinar on something like energy healing or goal setting, watch an inspirational talk or do a mindfulness meditation.  Basically something that filled up the emptiness I felt inside with something that was good for me, fed my soul and gave me strength.  It isn't at all scientific but it certainly helped me to regain some inner light that I felt he stole from me systematically over 10 years.  By bringing myself into balance a little I was more able to handle the changes I needed to make in my life to start improving things. 

Keep reading the articles and tools that resonate with you on here, as you can trust that they are reliable.  Others posts have also been a great deal of comfort to me in my healing.  Try to be kind to yourself right now.  Begin to think about what you need and what will give you a boost.  Then follow up.

Love and light x       

[onelittleladybug]

Hi Forret

Im so sorry you are feeling alone and so sad now. You are amongst friends here, we are all looking out for you and each other here.

Just a few days ago I had the worst night, I felt very alone. It passed but in the moment it is the worst feeling ever.

My experience with the disorder and from what Ive been learning on this board is that a pwBPD means what they say in the moment but that it changes fast.

Do you feel like sharing a bit more about the conversation and what brought you so deep down today? I am here and Im listening.

Even after two years what blows my mind is the lack of logic and commoan sense in his behaviour. How do the the rest of you cope with the blatantly unfairness?

Honestly I dont always cope, but this board is a life saver for me. The only thing that can bring me back to feeling better is doing things for myself, taking care of me. It also does help me once Ive calmed down a bit, to remind me that it really is not about me. Its all about my pwBPD's own tormented emotional life and I often just happen to be there in the eye of the storm when its happening.

[Pedro]

Hello Forret.

Welcome to this site. Everybody here understands how you are feeling and thinking. Please make use of the support, advice & the literature made available here.

Good luck & best wishes.

Pedro.