B.S.

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Well, I'm here tonight trying to settle myself down. My sisters family dog, who I love too has been DX with CHF and on his way out. I want to go home for the weekend, to be with her if he expires, or has to be put to sleep. I know how hard that is.
I haven't seen my sister or Mother in over a year, due to LC. My NPD/BPD hoarder mother has burned 1 house down already. No one has been inside her present one for over a year, my sister says, she won't allow anyone in.
To get my mother ( she's 84 a recluse) looking 4ward to something, she told her I was coming for the weekend. This set my mother in a manic tailspin, because she doesn't want me coming in her house to see the hoard. She tells my tells my sister her AC is broken( don't know if that's a lie or not). They live in Florida it's been like 98 degrees, but if it's true the AC is broken, she is sitting in the heat to keep from calling the repairmen, because he would see the hoard and report her.
This created a deluge of phone calls, every 2 mins from my mother, demanding I not come home with 3-4 min long messeges each. I couldn't stand it any longer answered the phone with " mom... relax... I'm not coming... ( I have to lie to see any peace) when she starts attacking me verbally, saying get this... ." your sister is so tired ... and u don't need to bother her now"
I held the phone out... letting her drone on...
I'm so sick of her B.S. ... and manipulating... crazyness. I can't even go home after a year in peace... I think I hate her... she always tries to ruin the simplest things...
I'm going anyway... , dreading running into her... Whose parent acts like this?
Sorry for the rant

[Roselily]

Well, I'm here tonight trying to settle myself down. My sisters family dog, who I love too has been DX with CHF and on his way out. I want to go home for the weekend, to be with her if he expires, or has to be put to sleep. I know how hard that is.
I haven't seen my sister or Mother in over a year, due to LC. My NPD/BPD hoarder mother has burned 1 house down already. No one has been inside her present one for over a year, my sister says, she won't allow anyone in.
To get my mother ( she's 84 a recluse) looking 4ward to something, she told her I was coming for the weekend. This set my mother in a manic tailspin, because she doesn't want me coming in her house to see the hoard. She tells my tells my sister her AC is broken( don't know if that's a lie or not). They live in Florida it's been like 98 degrees, but if it's true the AC is broken, she is sitting in the heat to keep from calling the repairmen, because he would see the hoard and report her.
This created a deluge of phone calls, every 2 mins from my mother, demanding I not come home with 3-4 min long messeges each. I couldn't stand it any longer answered the phone with " mom... relax... I'm not coming... ( I have to lie to see any peace) when she starts attacking me verbally, saying get this... ." your sister is so tired ... and u don't need to bother her now"
I held the phone out... letting her drone on...
I'm so sick of her B.S. ... and manipulating... crazyness. I can't even go home after a year in peace... I think I hate her... she always tries to ruin the simplest things...
I'm going anyway... , dreading running into her... Whose parent acts like this?
Sorry for the rant

[Turkish]

I get the mess given a hoarder, their embarrassment,  and their anger.  They know they hoard, and want to hide it. 

So are you going home?

[Roselily]

I get the mess given a hoarder, their embarrassment,  and their anger.  They know they hoard, and want to hide it.  

So are you going home?

Hi Turkish,
I am... This isn't abt her,like  she try to make it be... it's abt supporting my sister ... as she did for me when my little dog passed... .thanks so much for the validation... Ur spot on...

[blue-eyed bonnie]

Hi Aldactone:

F... .you BPD Mother.  This is where you need to set a border.  Your sister needs you.  There is nothing harder than watching a beloved dog die of CHF, I've been there.

Stay with your sister, and ignore the drama with your Mother.  Don't tell her you are there.  Remember you are doing this for YOUR sake, not hers.  Don't go to her house, it will just set her off.  If she comes to your sister's while you are there, then it will seem to her like it is on her terms and she may be calmer.

Good luck and know that others are dealing with these same things and support you!

[Insom]

HI, Aldactone.  Thanks for sharing this story.  Yes, I can relate to parts of it.  My mom who is not hoarder has a terrible time with visits.  It's sad because I know she's lonely and complains often about not having family nearby to celebrate vacation holidays.  But when I tell her I'm planning a visit she becomes anxious and attempts to control what she can.  I can relate very much to the deluge of phone calls.  Every visit feels intense and is haunted by her anxiety about visit's end.  Very often she will pick a fight as departure date approaches.  It's my sense that she feels a high level of anxiety about reconnecting and then separating again.  Why can't this be easier?

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear you're going though this.  It sounds like the hoarding has added a layer of complexity.  But it also sounds like you and your sister are terrific at supporting one another?