anyone with foster kids?

[incadove]

I am thinking a lot of foster kids must go thru a lot of emotions similar to BPD kids, just because of the abandonment experience.

Does anyone on this board have the experiences we share but with foster kids?  And how do you handle it in like the best way to take care of them, since obviously they are in a vulnerable position.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Your comment about abandonment issues is spot on. 

I'm an adoptee.  I was adopted at 2.5 years of age. I don't remember my birth parents,  and I have vague memories of my foster parents, who were elderly. I had four different care givers by the time I was adopted.

My mom had us hang out with other adoptive families, and I was aware of how other families struggled with the issues you bring up.  My mother didn't have to struggle with me like you and many parents here do. That being said, if I could offer anything useful to you, I'd say that a child cut off from their origins may be a significant struggle.

Personally,  I chose not to identify with my past so much. This isn't typical. Even so, I still to this day on middle age,  feel cut off.  Some adoptees and foster kids have a lot of trouble letting the past go, especially if they are of an age where they remember their bio parents. I chose not to make a big deal out of it.  Many adoptees or foster kids lean oppositely.

Given the lessons on validation to the right of the board and at the top,  do you think the lessons are helpful?

[incadove]

Hi Turkish - thanks so much for sharing your experiences.  I'm glad you had a positive experience with your adoptive family and were able to move forward.

Given the lessons on validation to the right of the board and at the top,  do you think the lessons are helpful?

Yes!  I have watched the validation video twice, I wish I had learned these skills more when I first started caring for my two older daughters, and had understood more how to deal with the feelings that came up.