PTSD symptoms - when do they go away?

[MarkTwain]

Its been 3½ years... .I still have the same nightmare, occasional night terrors - they return when I have to deal with her consistently... .Which thankfully is around court stuff - but when she escalates and my time seems to be focused on dealing with her issues it comes up too.

Yes docs put me on happy pills, and gave me some sleeping pills for those weeks where I don't want to sleep because I know the nightmares are coming... .have done some therapy, but its been ineffective, the therapy I can afford isn't exactly properly trained on PTSD... .

My s5 - after talking to a psychologist last week, apparently is also showing ptsd like symptoms. (That would be more recent events). He has nightmares and night terrors too. He's going into play therapy - so hopefully he gets some of that resolved.

But I'm wondering when my nightmares are going to end, it's always the same - always a real event, replayed over and over. What disturbs me the most is that I never remember dreams - I wake up screaming and remember these. Screws my head up for days. Night terrors I don't remember - just wake up in strange parts of the house or neighborhood with my new partner trying to calm me down and keep me safe.

Just really want to be done with this, with her, I have a new and awesome life now - this is something I really want to stop dealing with. Bad enough all my neighbours know about my issues, because they've all seen me outside screaming in terror in the middle of the night... .

[Herodias]

I don't know... .I still take ambien, but it is not working as well as it used to. I still have nightmares, but most are turning into bad dreams. The ambien helped keep me from having the nightmares. I have issues with music and was told to listen to music without words as to not hear songs that make me depressed. I can't go into a certain grocery store without crying or having issues, because my ex worked at most of them in my area and slept with most of the women. Kind of stinks, because I liked that store the most. I am still dealing with court with him and so I am still entangled. August 10 is the big day when I will have to face him again. Horrible... .I really can't set a true date of being done with him, because this all started 2 1/2 years ago, when he cheated, but we were divorced June 2016. I feel your pain... .I have been working so hard on learning what I can, but I think it is time for self-awareness, mindfulness and self care. Relaxing is what I am trying to do now. I think I was trying to stay out of my own head by reading and listening to so much stuff, I am just getting confused. I think we need to really stop avoiding what we are truly feeling and maybe it won't come out in our sleep... .I don't know. Keep trying, its all we can do. Believe it or not, my dog has issues from my ex that are clear to me as well. It's truly amazing. What does your psychologist recommend? If you are sleep walking, you may need to be careful if that is caused by the drugs. I know ambien can cause that in some people.

[MarkTwain]

They've made me talk ad nauseum about the trauma. Trying to refocus reframe how I perceive the incident.

Effexor now, was Zoloft but didn't like side effects.

Whole lot of focus on what the heck was their term, I can't remember - bedtime routine ensuring I didn't watch tv for the hour before bed, turning off devices, not responding to her emails, try happy music to sleep, try no music to sleep, thinking happy thoughts sunshine and butterflies b.s.

Next time I have spare money going to try emdr but I have little faith, probably go camping instead - seems like the outcome would be better destressing in the woods vs some bogus hour of psychobabble :D

The night terrors - yeah I run away in my sleep. Predates the meds by a long time. Had multiple injuries from it now, falling down stairs, running into walls or doors - had to wear slippers to bed a few years ago - it was -40 and I was in court that week. Ended up a block or two away, with frozen feet... .(Thankfully partner brought me shoes when she chased me down). 2-3 weeks of nightly terrors, it wasn't good.

[JQ]

Hi MarkTwain,

sorry to hear that you & your son are having the trouble that you are. I do wish that you will soon get to a better place. Its good to hear that you're seeing a therapist ... .but as you've found out ... .not all therapist are equal.

From my own PTSD experience in the military I & others have undergone a treatment called EMDR.  EMDR treatment is used by the military with about 94% success rate of reducing or eliminating those things that you describe. I can say from personal experience & those of my buddies that everyone of us started to see some sort of positive results with the very first visit. 

EMDR can also be used for PTSD caused by other traumatic events in one's life such as a exBPD r/s, sexual assault, horrific car accident or anything else that might have caused PTSD. So I hope that you sincerely look into it. Can you change your therapist or get authorizing from your PC to get you & your son into better treatment? Your son's Psychologist should be able to assist with that & talk to your PC.

I see that you only have a couple of post here so I want to say welcome to the group ... .I'm sorry that you had to find us but happy that you did. No one here will judge you because we've been where you are right now ... .& some are still in different stages of detaching while others have successfully found their path to the other side of their BPD canyon.

The path is filled with potholes & speed bumps but the group will always be here to assist you, listen to you and give some guidance to you. The first thing you need to do is start taking care of YOU. If you don't who is going to be there to take care of your son. I once heard the analogy, exiting a BPD r/s is like flying on a airplane that looses oxygen. You first have to put YOUR mask on then put the mask on your kids. Kinda like that here ... .YOU need to take care of YOU then you can take care of your son.

I didn't sleep well either at the beginning ... .Melatonin helped me ... .40mgs every night in the beginning. You can find it in the grocery store in the vitamin isle ... .not to worry it's NOT a drug but a natural supplement. You can't OD on it ... .and I don't wake up in the morning feeling groggy.

The next thing you need to do is go for a walk after work ... .take your son with you. A mile only takes about 15-20 minutes and you can get 3 miles done in an hour before dinner. This does a couple of things for you. It burns off all that stress that is raging havoc on your mind body and soul. It also burns off the empty calories you've been putting in your body. And for you it helps with the bonding with your son.

Take time out to enjoy the small things in life on your journey. The smell of fresh cut grass, the sounds of nature like the birds. The fresh air, feel the breeze on your face. Go to the park with your son and play on the swings, slides etc. This will help him too burn off all that stress his young body doesn't know how to deal with. Listen to him laugh once again ... .watch him play with the other kids. This one thing alone 2-3 times a week will make a huge difference in both your lives.

Next be sure you're eating right ... .both of you. Stay away from fast food because nothing good come from that ... .not even your poo.    And that is to make you laugh because laughter helps heal the mind body & soul. Watch funny cartoon movies with your son ... .both of you can laugh too. Have him help you fix a salad, this also helps with the bonding ... .maybe he'll open up to you too ... .talk things out. I'm sure he has questions and doesn't know how to ask them or who to ask. Remember when he sees you laughing, a smile he will too.

Read a couple of books, one is "The Human Magnet Syndrome" and the other is "Stop Walking on Eggshells". You can find them in your local library, maybe you therapist has them or you can find them pretty cheap on the internet. You're already talking to a therapist ... .everyone here will tell you that is a BIG key to getting to a better place. They will help YOU sort out your thoughts, feelings and emotions about what your thinking & feelings. They will also help you discover why you're a NON aka Codependent which is another big key as to why you react & behave the way you do. The good news is ... .that being a NON is a learned behavior and because of that it can be "UNLEARNED".  Stay away from the alcohol "Self Medication" if your drinking ... .right now it probably doesn't help with either the sleeping or the nigh terrors. I wouldn't be surprised if your night terrors have a root started back in your childhood ... .like most NONs. That's part of your journey that you must walk ... .not to worry ... .we have your back. 

Come back here as often as you need too but more importantly as often as you want too. Someone from the group will always be here to assist you ... .

Here are a few video's to watch ... .

J

This one is some what motivational ... .you might not think it applies to you ... .but you would be surprised. I watched it for days when my buddy first sent it to me. I make it a point to watch it at least once a week usually at the start of my week ... .it helps more than you realized.

Even the most confident and motivated people will need a helping hand at some point in their life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZQeMv5PXhg&t=94s

This one lets you know it's ok to grieve ... .

"the most important life lesson I've ever learned is this ... .sometimes people leave ... .sometime unexpectedly ... .take a deep breath ... .mourn the loss ... .and start living again."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsIYlgrov3k&t=153s

This one is just funny as hell ... .makes me laugh overtime I watch it ... .Giraffe 5 stages of grief
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Z3lmidmrY&t=34s

[JQ]

Oh and Mark ... .here is a song ... .it should become the NON's official anthem to starting over ... .it really spoke to me since my step mother, step sister, & 1/2 brother are BPD ... .i really crank this song up in the morning when I'm taking a shower ... .hey it helps   

Second Chance by Shinedown ... .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAFl2D8j8cM&list=RDMMcAFl2D8j8cM

[Herodias]

Jo is right, eat well and get exercise. If you are not depressed, I'm not totally sure why they have you on antidepressants. I'm not a doctor, but I've been on Effexor and it's pretty numbing for me. My nephew has some luck on it with ADHD. I have heard of that theory of talking it out and putting yourself in control. They tried to get my ex to do that but his hands started to sweat and he bolted at the idea. Honestly I think his trauma was made up as does his Mother. In our case, it was real and there is no changing what happened. Somehow I think we need to find some way to feel safe that we are away from it. You say you are happy in your new life, but something is still bothering you. Try and remember your dreams and keep a journal. Mine are usually about things that have gone on or I heard about during the day, mixed with dread of my ex. Since you had the sleep walking since you were young, what do they say about that? My sister used to do that and grew out of it. Do you know if there is something in your past still haunting you?

[Herodias]

You can almost see why people with BPD don't like that type of therapy either, thinking about leaves floating down a stream instead of stressing is hard in the moment. I think getting away from it all is nice. I enjoy an evening at the beach to take your mind off of things and make yourself realize there are bigger things out there. Camping may be good. Trying to meditate is hard, but helpful. I don't last long, but working on it.

[MarkTwain]

Well funny story, this year's been a crappy year - no really crappy. Ended up in at the request of a few people to talk about stress and my handling of it.

Well, got in - long discussion later. The PTSD like symptoms come up... .Suddenly my situational stress is ignored and - the medical world is freaking out about PTSD symptoms. I'm confused because 3½ years ago I begged for help and had myself held for observation because of it, and got a "suck it up princess" at the end of the day (not really - go sit at the health center they have first come first serve with student psychologists). Literally got more help in 30min at this appointment to talk about stress than I had in 3 months of weekly asking for help.    apparently in the past 3 years handling of ptsd has changed radically.

Night terrors came about after breakup with BPDxw - and an incident at the end - probably would seem minor to most but to me it was the nightmare of nightmares - sadly real life. No history before that even dating back to childhood

Resurgence, probably the stress of this year, and yeah if you see my other thread - there's been a recent escalation in issues. Still on the meds because yeah - still not coping well with all the stuff happening lately - while I expect the year to get better, it's really been crappy, continual setbacks problems and issues (and I'd like to say all minor but no... .All more major life change kinds of things - with impeccable timing).

So yes they picked off the list of ptsd meds that work well for anxiety and stress too. Probably a bit of depression mixed in too at times.

But yes me and s5 do take time to enjoy life, we have a "new family" with a ton of built-in support who are big on ensuring we don't get lost in our occasional funks and keep us putting one foot in front of the other. Yeah I found one of those "normal" families - who are happy to teach me about what that means - as I come from a abnormal one myself. And I've found us some wonderful community supports along the way.

[Herodias]

New Psychologists are frustrating, because I don't think they have enough experience. I have seen my ex work them over easily. It is sad. It sounds like you are doing all you can. I understand the trauma of violence with your ex. I had several really bad situations myself. I think I dissociated from myself at the time they were happening and I never dealt with it. Hence the dreams. I am not sure what helps other than to know he is away from me. Far away from me. I also live in a secure building... .not easy to access.  Yet, we have court coming up and last time he was here I found myself being aware of my surroundings and being afraid. Since you have a child with her and are still dealing with court, this may be what is stirring this up for you as well. Make sure you have someone with you who can support you if you have to see her in the future. They say don't go alone to court, so they can't come up to you and bother you. I am sorry you are going through this. I am happy for you that you have a new life... .I am having trouble because my family moved away and now I only have one friend in town that understands. She is having her own troubles. My biggest problem now is that he is not paying me the money he owes me and he is planning a wedding with the baby momma. I am sure it bothers me a bit, but yet I know that she will soon face the demon. Hopefully since she is closer to family now, she will be smart enough to get her child away from him when he acts out. He has guns, knives and drinks. I guess time heals, but it is hard to forget what happened to us and that there are scary people out there. I am sorry your Son has to deal with her as well. They say the best thing to do there is show him what normal is and as he grows up, he will see the truth. It's called parallel parenting instead of co-parenting. Sounds like you will get there. Making progress takes time. Good luck with all you do... .

[MarkTwain]

Yep, always have lawyer in court, that's usually enough for me - she hates my lawyer with a passion - even more than me. So if I stay close to her, there's no conflict. Lol

Its days like today, emails ranting and raving - after I've dropped s5 off for visit about the schedule. Its been this schedule, that she demanded for months, suddenly can't remember what time pickup is? I answer with 6pm Is normal pickup on Sunday is that what time you'd like or do you need something different. I've gotten 6 ranting raving emails which got the same reply.

Visit must not be going well again... .Fallout shall be fun to deal with... .

[Herodias]

Glad you are getting all of those emails. Save them as documentation and don't let her know you are doing that. Document everything. I was able to use it all in court, you will need it. Have you heard of the gray rock technique? Act as boring as a gray rock in the street... .meaning, be boring, she is looking to upset you. I am a very reactive person. I bet you are too, since you are having the nightmares. She is looking to keep you upset and confused. Don't react. Be very calm and short with your responses. Especially if you end up using these emails in court. You must look like the calm and reliable person that you are. They try to make you look crazy. Don't let her. My ex tried to do that to me. It was hard not to in the beginning, but now that I know what he is doing, I understand the games they play. I understand her being afraid of your lawyer... .she should be.  

[MarkTwain]

Yeah, she only gets 4-5 word replies out of me, usually just ignore them.

Yes the lack of reaction when she's escalating really pisses her off and sends her into those 20-30 email days.