Does this sound like BPD?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Over a year ago I met the girl of my dreams. On out first date we talked for 10 hours straight. She seemed perfect. We instantly clicked. We ended up spending a ridiculous amount of time together, constantly together. Her parents bought her her own place for school (rich). After a few months I moved in and we basically spent all day every day together. She essentially ditched all of her friends to be with me. We talked about marriage, having kids one day, how she couldn't live without me etc. Became obsessed with me.

Then came out a lot of her flaws... .

I'll start with the jealousy... .

I couldn't have an instagram because there were attractive girls on there. Had to look away when an attractive girl was on tv, one night cried all night because I went to the tanning bed (apparently girls were there), so then when I go to the other room she goes for a walk; then calls me that she's being followed and I had to carry her back home, cried all night because I looked at a girl on tv a certain way, pretended she might attempt suicide multiple times to get my attention, brought up stories of being raped and molested, which I don't even know are true or not now, went through my phone, one time freaked out because I went to my parents house at night, I wasn't allowed to go to the gym etc etc

Meanwhile, she would text her friend from class who admitted he had feelings for her, dress provocatively when going out and made sure I saw, showed me texts of giys flirting with her and asked me what she should say, went out to the fraternities one night. Clearly a double standard.

I've read tattoos and piercings can be a tell also? She has a nose ring, belly button piercing, wanted nipple rings at one point, multiple tattoos etc. Maybe TMI but she had a rape fetish (BDSM)

Smoked a lot of weed, had a full blown manic episode that led to hospitalization (she blames it on vyvanse) that lasted months. Has no empathy outside of the idealization phase, always plays the victim about everything, expert manipulator, trangulization (gets relatives or friends to talk to me during arguments, talked to that guy that has feelings for sometimes when we would fight and he would try to console her - had sex with him in her manic phase - and then said he raped her and got a lawyer) everytime I argue with her tries to guilt trip me. Every ex she's ever had was abusive in some way. She would never get angry, instead just ball up and cry for hours and if I didn't console her she'd get more upset. (Go in another room or the shower and continue crying.)
 
Anyway I won't get into the breakup too much but she started acting much more distant after the first breakup (her manic episode) I still don't know if she is bipolar because drugs were involved but it does run in her mom's family. After her episode she had to go back across the country with her family to be treated. We did a ldr until she got back here and I began to notice things weren't quite the samewhen she got back. We basically only communicated through text and when it was just us hanging out she'd always have to take a nap and I'd leave, so I was quick to end things this time around. Probably prematurely but she put me through the ringer and I was afraid to stick around. She got her cousin to call me to talk to me when we broke up and they made me feel awful. Oddly enough she would text I love you all the time but it meant nothing to me as her actions didn't back up up. The last thing we said to each other was I love you, but that was a month ago. I miss ER but I can't trust her and I'm sure she's moved to a new guy.

What are the chances she's borderline and/or bipolar? I've read that these disorders can co exist? Ive also read if you have one you're more likely to have the other.

Thanks!

[Confusedd]

Over a year ago I met the girl of my dreams. On out first date we talked for 10 hours straight. She seemed perfect. We instantly clicked. We ended up spending a ridiculous amount of time together, constantly together. Her parents bought her her own place for school (rich). After a few months I moved in and we basically spent all day every day together. She essentially ditched all of her friends to be with me. We talked about marriage, having kids one day, how she couldn't live without me etc. Became obsessed with me.

Then came out a lot of her flaws... .

I'll start with the jealousy... .

I couldn't have an instagram because there were attractive girls on there. Had to look away when an attractive girl was on tv, one night cried all night because I went to the tanning bed (apparently girls were there), so then when I go to the other room she goes for a walk; then calls me that she's being followed and I had to carry her back home, cried all night because I looked at a girl on tv a certain way, pretended she might attempt suicide multiple times to get my attention, brought up stories of being raped and molested, which I don't even know are true or not now, went through my phone, one time freaked out because I went to my parents house at night, I wasn't allowed to go to the gym etc etc

Meanwhile, she would text her friend from class who admitted he had feelings for her, dress provocatively when going out and made sure I saw, showed me texts of giys flirting with her and asked me what she should say, went out to the fraternities one night. Clearly a double standard.

I've read tattoos and piercings can be a tell also? She has a nose ring, belly button piercing, wanted nipple rings at one point, multiple tattoos etc. Maybe TMI but she had a rape fetish (BDSM)

Smoked a lot of weed, had a full blown manic episode that led to hospitalization (she blames it on vyvanse) that lasted months. Has no empathy outside of the idealization phase, always plays the victim about everything, expert manipulator, trangulization (gets relatives or friends to talk to me during arguments, talked to that guy that has feelings for sometimes when we would fight and he would try to console her - had sex with him in her manic phase - and then said he raped her and got a lawyer) everytime I argue with her tries to guilt trip me. Every ex she's ever had was abusive in some way. She would never get angry, instead just ball up and cry for hours and if I didn't console her she'd get more upset. (Go in another room or the shower and continue crying.)
 
Anyway I won't get into the breakup too much but she started acting much more distant after the first breakup (her manic episode) I still don't know if she is bipolar because drugs were involved but it does run in her mom's family. After her episode she had to go back across the country with her family to be treated. We did a ldr until she got back here and I began to notice things weren't quite the samewhen she got back. We basically only communicated through text and when it was just us hanging out she'd always have to take a nap and I'd leave, so I was quick to end things this time around. Probably prematurely but she put me through the ringer and I was afraid to stick around. She got her cousin to call me to talk to me when we broke up and they made me feel awful. Oddly enough she would text I love you all the time but it meant nothing to me as her actions didn't back up up. The last thing we said to each other was I love you, but that was a month ago. I miss ER but I can't trust her and I'm sure she's moved to a new guy.

What are the chances she's borderline and/or bipolar? I've read that these disorders can co exist? Ive also read if you have one you're more likely to have the other.

Thanks!

[Confusedd]

Double post sorry.

[HoneyB33]

Yeah, it sounds like a lot of my experiences (with Borderlines).

[HoneyB33]

P.S I have tattoos and piercings  So I don't think it's a perfect tell. I think what is a better tell is when you see them doing those things FOR attention. In a way it's like you can see how not genuine they are (if that makes any sense, ha!) I think a lot of people get tattoos and piercings to be cool or be seen a certain way, but that doesn't make someone borderline. But you can kind of see this desperation behind any of their body modifications. Idk, it's hard to explain. My ex got a tattoo after we broke up, but I've also gotten tattoos at really "intense" moments in my life. But our reasons are very different. She's trying to "become" someone, and I'm trying to hold on to who I know myself to be.

I think people get too caught up in facts like that. Like, for example, not all people who have cut themselves are Borderline. I know a few people that that is just not true for. The way you can tell if someone is a borderline is purely their disorder. Someone threatening suicide for you glancing at a girl--that sounds pretty disordered to me. If she's not a borderline, she's still a real ass in my opinion, and sounds like a real piece of work.

[Confusedd]

Well to be fair, I doubt you have nipple rings. She's constantly needing to be validated on her looks and loves taking videos and pictures of herself.

Part of me feels crazy for getting so upset when she started distancing and breaking up but at the same time I was a nervous wreck being around her. I can deal with crazy but I can tell deal with someone not wanting to be near me.

[SurvivingBPDex]

Hello
I'm not a doctor but your story sounds like mine. My ex would be jealous on a regular basis. He would always think I was checking out a waiter. He thought I would e-mail my ex husband when I wasn't. He needed constant reassurance. He would ask me. Do you want me to go out with someone else? Only to hear me say "no". My all time favorite was. "You don't love me you use to" I heard this every single day. You don't know how exhausting this can be when you do everything you possibly can to make your significant other happy. I was drained all the time. The endless stupid fight till late at night. I don't miss this at all. Your girl sounds a lot like my ex. He would call me often to check up on me even when I visited my mother. This really bothered me as I was not able to enjoy my visit with her. Your not alone here. You will find some stories are similar. I don't feel as alone coming here. There are a lot of people that don't understand what its like being involved in r/s such as these. Even if she is or isn't . The r/s causes stress. Welcome home my sharing helps. Your not alone.

[Confusedd]

It is exhausting for sure, especially her episodes. However, the hard part for me was when she didn't seem care for me anymore. Whenever I started to have issues she almost seemed annoyed that I was upset. It was all about her. Even when I broke up with her she tried to guilt me for making her cry. I hasnt seen her in a while and when I would go to see her she'd magically have to take a nap for hours.

She basically was obsessed with me, made me fall head over heals despite her ridiculous behavior. (I couldn't even work at a hospitals because nurses work there for gods sake) but despite all of this I still became the bad guy. I'll admit, I didn't lash out at her verbally and even threw dishes at the wall once, but there was always such a double standard. Eventually she grew tired of ME and that's what killed me.

[Confusedd]

It is exhausting for sure, especially her episodes. However, the hard part for me was when she didn't seem care for me anymore. Whenever I started to have issues she almost seemed annoyed that I was upset. It was all about her. Even when I broke up with her she tried to guilt me for making her cry. I hasnt seen her in a while and when I would go to see her she'd magically have to take a nap for hours.

She basically was obsessed with me, made me fall head over heals despite her ridiculous behavior. (I couldn't even work at a hospitals because nurses work there for gods sake) but despite all of this I still became the bad guy. I'll admit, I did lash out at her verbally and even threw dishes at the wall once, but there was always such a double standard. Eventually she grew tired of ME and that's what killed me.

[forlorn]

Hi!  I don't know if it's BPD or if I just see BPD in everything now, but it sure seems like a very real possibility that this is at least part of what you're encountering with this person.  Particularly the need for constant approval that will only be demonstrated by your complete obsession, and the attention seeking behaviors.  Additionally, I find it interesting that she would have rape fantasies. Seems like another way to cast herself as a victim, which you've related is a common theme.

My undiagnosed pwBPD definitely exhibits the same type of jealousy you've talked about.  One time he went off on me for about three days because I looked in the rear view mirror when I was at a stop sign, and a dude on a bike was crossing the street behind the car when I did.  I'm also a professional belly dancer, and my partner has been know to stalk the parking lot of the restaurant I dance in, watching for cars driven by men, who he will then accuse me of arranging to meet.  And if I stay late at work, I'm definitely having sex with someone. But he can give women rides home from the job site, give them his phone number, etc., and I'm crazy if I bring it up.  Double standard for sure.

I've had questions about the comorbidity of other disorders, too.  I've read that a pwBPD can exhibit traits consistent with other diagnoses, which can make it even more difficult for us as partners to figure out how to respond.  But either way, with more than one disorder or not, this is not easy or fun - for either of us.

I hope putting some structure to what you experiences helps you heal and move on. It is extremely comforting, at least for me, to know that I'm not losing my mind, and that there really is something happening here that is not normal.  I hope it helps you, too.