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Author Topic: What does "fear of engulfment" mean?  (Read 545 times)
DoOo7

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4


« on: July 26, 2017, 10:31:54 AM »

if i got a Partner With such kind of fear ? and pushed me away ? is there any chance that she would try to contact me back ?
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takingandsending
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, 15 years; together 18 years
Posts: 1121



« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2017, 12:59:40 PM »

Hi DoOo7 and welcome to bpdfamily. 

Fear of engulfment is a common feeling for persons with BPD. Persons with BPD have difficulty in defining the boundaries between themselves and others, particularly those that they are in close relation to. So, they alternate between feeling abandoned/alone/isolated to feeling overwhelmed/engulfed/smothered. The result is a push/pull behavior with those they are close to that can be disorienting and confusing (the famous "I hate you! Don't Leave".

For these reasons, recycled relationships are not unusual for persons with BPD. It sounds as if you are wanting her to contact you. It's really important, if you are considering re-entering a relationship with someone who is BPD to establish your boundaries and strategies for communication before you recycle. Otherwise, you are likely to just repeat the same events that led to the split.

How long have you been with your partner? Is she diagnosed as BPD? What type of traits or behaviors are you seeing?

There is great reading material to the right of this web page with very good communication tools that do help in relating to a person with BPD. I hope you keep posting and asking questions. The community here is very supportive.
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DoOo7

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4


« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2017, 07:19:33 AM »

First , i have to thank you so much for your Wonderful way of replying and The interest u gave to my Question  
i have not been so long with my partner, i met her almost 1 year ago , and we were not officially together , it was just the beginning , and she wasn't diagnosed , i myself tried to analyze her behavior after the sudden withdraw she made, First Thing i notice  that she was a workaholic type of woman,  She is Very attractive and intelligent in her Community but when i asked her who are your best friends , she answered me  in a defensive way that she has  no  Best Friends , just friends , i asked about if she got previous relationships , she replied that she never had relationships before and as 30 years old girl  is a strange thing i guess , Sometimes i felt her close to me and some other times i felt her distant   , and the last 5 days we were communicating So good , like it was the peak of the relationship , then suddenly  She send me a text saying that i got the wrong idea,  then  she blocked me  in all social Network apps , and phones  With no Further explanation, we have been apart now for 4 and half Months . how much usually  it takes to reach the Pull Behavior  ? and how could i  prepare for it ?
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DoOo7

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4


« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2017, 03:53:53 AM »

i just wanna add something , i think she v got AvPD  Not BPD  , i though both are the same , so i apologize for wasting your time , cause i think i m posting in the Wrong Website which is talking About BPD  Smiling (click to insert in post)
i thank you , if u recommend me similar  Web but for AVPD , i would be Thankful
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Whoad
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 147


« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2017, 06:37:13 AM »

If they had not said it... the traits and actions  often overlap and you may indeed have a young lady with Avpd... but your question gave me an answer... about engulfment. Thank you. 
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DoOo7

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 4


« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2017, 06:45:09 AM »

i m sorry i didn t get the last part of your answer Smiling (click to insert in post)  what do u mean with  " your question gave me an answer... about engulfment"
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