Sister is youtubing about me.

[k-bliss]

A mutual friend of my sister's told me that my sister is making youtube videos about how I have refused to forgive her, and how I've cut her out.     Of course I know better than to watch the videos.  I can barely see her picture without getting heart palpitations!   

2 months ago after she suddenly verbally attacked me after several years of relative peace and limited contact, I reinforced boundaries and told her we couldn't have a close relationship. She freaked out and assumed this meant I never wanted to speak to her again (NC).  She also assumes I don't want my children to ever see her again.  Totally putting words in my mouth.

I feel so misunderstood and misrepresented.  Thankfully, she didn't use my name in the vids, and it's basically strangers who watch her vids, but I still feel like this is character assassination. 

She so clearly needs to have the last word.  She clearly needs to cut me out completely so I can't challenge her self-image.  There's nothing I can do about it.  Of course she can't understand the gray area of LC versus NC.  To her it's all or nothing.

I just needed to get this off my chest.  She's taken it to the next level with this youtube channel.  I am learning to be ok with it.  She's moving to the other coast, so I will have the physical and emotional distance that I need.  it just feels weird that she's the one who is cutting ME off completely, when I felt I wasn't ready for NC and the effects it has on the whole family.

Thanks for reading! 


 

[Pina colada]

k-bliss I am so sorry you are going through this with your sister.  My sister also is dBPD/NPD traits.  First you must remember everything is black and white.  You called your sister out on something that she did, verbally attack you, so she is turning it around to be your fault as they won't take blame for a lot of the trouble they cause.  You put down boundaries which she clearly doesn't like.  BTW you were right to call her out and set boundaries in place.  They have black and white, all or nothing thinking which could be why she took enforcing boundaries as you never wanting to speak to her again... .etc.  Second, she is YouTubing a smear campaign.  I would guess she knows it will get back to you.  My sister is very vocal on another website where she always manages to drag me into anyone's story and proceeds to hijack their conversation.  She knows I read the website as she told me about posting there.  She has said the most horrible things about everyone in our family, including her own kids if you can believe that.  Of course she lies, omits important facts, changes details, anything to make her out to be the victim and perfect perfect.  It used to upset me but not anymore.  I have a great relationship with many of our family, they have nothing or very little to do with her.  I have many friends and a great guy!  They all know the real me.  I promise, if anyone figures out it is you, they will think worse of her.  They know whom you are.  Dealing with a personality disorder is heartbreaking, maddening, and exhausting.  Keep posting here for traffic support!

[Lilacs]

Agree with above.
She is running a smear campaign. Ignore it.
As many people have told me, the people who know you, KNOW YOU. anything she says is taken w a grain of salt. And who is watching her on YouTube anyway. Be confident in who you are and don't let her have control over you.

[Panda39]

I'm so sorry you've got to deal with this 

Besides the Black and White thinking the other thing you've got going on here is in her mind Feelings=Facts.  She feels like you are cutting her off for life (this is the fear at the heart of BPD), so that becomes real to her and she is acting out in that belief.

None of this is really about you, it's about her and her perceptions and it is not your problem to fix.  I agree with the others the youtube videos are lies, you know it and the people that know and care about you know it.  Don't JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend Explain) there is no need and doing so will only amp up the drama.  Just ignore, hopefully the physical boundary of her move will give you some relief.

Panda39