Is there a way... Talk sense into them?

[MarkTwain]

So, question... .The xBPD is digging herself into a really big financial hole. Doesn't seem to understand it. And is making it worse by the day.

S5 is in my custody, coming up on 2 years, I've been having to pay support for him and his half sister 16 - since that changed. Its the lowest thing on the courts priority list as far as this battle is concerned.

Well she enrolled us in maintenance enforcement - claimed I wasn't paying hadn't paid. 5 months later when the garnishing started - I had a heck of a fight with them about it. She won't willingly admit I've paid support so more legal battles (that monthly amount that got email transfered every 1st was a gift not support - even though it was noted as child support and just happened to be to the penny the support $), I'm still getting garnished - at least they're only taking for one not two until I get a judge to instruct them how to proceed (think months, likely 2018 - special high conflict program)

At this point, with what I've paid, were paid forward into her daughter's 20th year. She claimed S5 on taxes as a dependant, that's still to resolve that's a lot of money there too (and we know the government is so patient in fraudulent tax filings)

I don't think she understands that she has to repay all this $ to me and the government... .And she's over 40k into the hole, and digging deeper every month - and it's going to get worse quickly (as I'm after offset support which will then push it farther out + she started working healthcare again so - massive income increase on her side and massive loss on my side... .)

There's no way to have her realize she's screwing herself and her daughter is there? She likely got the demand letter today - as taxman sent me one too saying yup you have custody of s5 - here's what we gave maintenance for you (yeah that was nice of them, we got evicted this month, she gets a windfall)

Sorry bit of a vent, yes there's a question in there... .But I probably understand too well she's never going to understand reason or logic. There's only "you should be paying me 4-5k a month not this pittance"

[flourdust]

Hi, Mark. It sounds very stressful to have all these financial challenges and be stuck in the legal system. Are you doing OK now? You mentioned you were evicted ... .do you have a place to live for you and the kids?

[takingandsending]

Hello to my favorite author.

So, to ask some dumb questions:
1. You have records of the child support payments for 2 years, so how did they end up garnishing your wages?
2. IRS is confirming you have custody of S5, not xw. Can you claim that adjusted refund from IRS for last 2 years?
3. Are you saying that you are going after xw for extra money she has received? Is it at all likely you have recourse and will actually get anything?

I worry about stuff like this too. My stbxw also has major entitlement and little management when it comes to money.

[MarkTwain]

Yep, we're ok. This year's been a challenge from heck but that's been great to learn where I can seek help when she strikes again. Currently in the process of moving.

Yes, even though I can show that I paid her - since she's claiming that's gifts not support - it goes to a judge to decide and Maintenance enforcement does what maintenance enforcement does - punish and enslave.

Yup, they found in my favor that yes I have s5 - and I got a massive refund. But see above... .Maintenance enforcement always gets your money first... .

I'll definitely be going to after her, who knows how it'll play out in the end. Its a ridiculous system. They'll adjust for one kid not two but a judge needs to intervene for the offset to be applied (? So it's a given that a man should pay but as soon as the woman has to also pay or be deducted - a judge has to agree?)

It just keeps getting more ridiculous, yeah she won't have a pot to piss in, she will always choose to ensure she makes the least possible amount (really, we have healthcare shortages here - she has a degree, has a license, works cleaning hotel rooms or at costco ? Grrr)

[ForeverDad]

In short, your ex is an adult and she is allowed to behave as she wishes.  There is no law that says she has to listen to you or to reason.  She's never really going to listen to you except in the rare instance it's to her favor.  You have to care for your interests and your children's interests first.

Also, just because she will hopefully owe you the overpaid or overgarnished moneys doesn't mean she'll be forced to repay them.  Yes, in time she may be ordered to repay but if by then she doesn't have the money anymore then she may be, as the saying goes, judgment-proof.

Probably the best you can get is credit against future payments, if any required, until the overpayments are fully accounted for against ongoing assessments.

I recall at one point my payments were stopped.  I had a $500 credit at the time.  So I asked from my credit back, CSEA told me to forget it, I'd get any credits back only if there were still credits when my son turned 18.  And I'm sure only after she repaid them first.

There does seem to be a preferential bias toward mothers.  I saw it in my case.  I started out as alternate weekend dad paying child support.  She never provided proof of income so the lawyers and court decided to impute her income at minimum wage.  Years later when I had legal custody and finally got majority time the judge decided, without asking for additional information, that without incomes submitted then no support from mother to father would be ordered.  Yep, put the shoe on the other foot and all of a sudden the way things work shift differently.