New here

[weston]

Hi BPD family,

This is my first time on this board. My teenage daughter (15) has classic BPD symptoms although in the 1.5 year journey our family has been on she has gone through almost every BPD "symptom" from anxiety to depression, self-harm, suicide attempt, eating disorder, experimenting with alcohol (14) and now weed,  destructive relationships and dangerous use of social media.

We are a very close and open family and dialogue is our saving grace, combined with her honest and confessing nature. She doesn't do things on the sly, but that doesn't stop her from doing them.

There have been many visits to the hospital either due to self-harm injuries or suicidal thoughts. 

We have good friends, lots of support, a therapist who specializes in BPD, and when I reflect back to a year ago progress has been made, no question, but not enough to go to sleep at night without the eternal worries that creep through my head.

I have gained weight. Lost sleep. Aged. Drifted away from some friends, my own fault as I couldn't share this extremely personal business with them. Over time, through sheer survival, I ended up confiding in some to release the pain I had been carrying.

I am here to look for support from people who truly understand. My daughter rejected a DBT group that we had high hopes for. It would have been of great benefit but she wasn't ready and we weren't ready to invest huge funds into something that she was not willing to do.  We have spent thousands of dollars that we don't have already on therapy.  We keep going as we want her to find ways to push through. And she is finding ways. Meditation, yoga. But the use of weed in the last month is particularly worrisome and has added a new stress level.

In the meantime, we have an almost 13-year-old daughter who is confused by what's happening to her big sister, certainly is weary of her impulsivity,  but she is also very brave. This has made her grow up way too quickly. My husband and I do our absolute best to invest equal energy into both our girls, but there are always crisis moments when our older daughter has an emergency and our youngest gets the short end of the stick. It is so unfair and makes me feel so guilty.

I could go on and on, but for now, I am reaching out to say, is there anyone who can offer me any suggestions? I would be so grateful.


 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Weston and welcome to bpdfamily 

I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you're with us, many parents are in similar situations, doing their best like you supporting their child and young siblings through this, you are not alone.  

I have no experience of weed, though many here do as you'll see from reading the posts. One of the first things my 28DD found helpful at the height of her crisis, a real tool for her was 'self soothing'. Has your daughter been introduced to that?  It's something we were able to do together in the sense I was able to offer suggestions, she felt supported that she was not alone, practice of self soothing was reinforced.

Do you get time for you weston?

WDx

[MrsD]

Hi. I am new too.  My (non binary) child is 14 and the last year and a half have been hell.
It is exhausting to visit so many specialists and try so many things and nothing seems to make things better.  We are now looking into residential therapeutic schools because our home life is so stressful.  We never know when he is going to scream, or kick things around, or be mean, or nice, or steal money, or visit weird websites.  Unfortunately, I don't have any advice at this point, but I can tell you that you are not alone.  We are a nice, normal family, with an eleven year old who is sweet and lovely and a 14 year old who is a true tornado.  Sometimes I get mad at the world because this happened to our family!

[bumpyroad]

Hi Weston, I am new to this board, but (sadly) not new to the world of BPD.  My daughter (19) has always been emotionally volatile, but things came to a head during her first year of high school:  trips to the ER, self-harm, promiscuity, school failure, etc... .She's had a lot of treatment, both inpatient and outpatient and continues to struggle.  Your concerns about your younger daughter are very familiar.  I have a 15 yr old dd and am having a hard time trying to protect her from the fallout her sister's illness has caused.  If you have the resources, you might want to consider counseling for your younger daughter.  It's been helpful for my daughter to have a place to go to work through her complicated feelings about her older sister without having to worry about being a good girl for her parents.  Like your daughter, my BPDd is abusing marijuana.  I don't have a lot of wisdom to offer, but when my daughter was in high school, living at home, and still under 18, we did tie certain special privileges to having clean drug tests.  I bought urine tests and tested her at home.  This was also a way for us to make sure that she wasn't experimenting with any other drugs besides marijuana.  We have a "no drugs in our home" policy - so any time I came across weed or weed related stuff in her room, I threw it away.  Unfortunately, although there are plenty of teens who smoke weed, I don't believe that kids who are also suffering from emotional/psychological disorders can manage it safely.  It sounds like you are a great mom and have a strong, open relationship with your daughters.  That will make all the difference moving forward.  I also totally identify with drifting away from friends while things were at their worst.  My two thoughts about that are - 1. You get to choose whom you trust to share your story with.  I'm sure you have an intuitive sense of who will and won't be able to be supportive.  2.  Each time I opened up and told a friend what was really going on, I felt better.  It was especially important to meet other parents who were going through similar struggles.  It's too easy to imagine that everyone else has perfect kids who are totally on track and to feel like I'm the only one with a child who is struggling, but that is never the case!
Sorry this is so long.  Sending you lots and lots of empathy and compassion. xo