How to deal with the over controlling pwBPD with my children?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I would like to see if anyone has any ideas what options I have regarding the xBPDw forcing D9 to not wear clothing D9 picks out and I buy for her. xBPDw is forbidding D9 to wear her chosen clothing and picking out clothes for D9 she does not want to wear.  

A little background is I have she sole decision-making responsibility of my children. (full custody, and a storied past history with the xBPDw too time consuming and troublesome to text in this post). D9 is an avid runner, she won first place for her grade at her school 2 years ago, 2nd last year. D9 needed more shorts, she liked the loose fitting shorts she was given for her birthday by her aunt (on my side) and requested more of the same. This late in the season these types of shorts were not available in the girls section but were on sale in the boys section so she picked these out and I bought them. The shorts are similar to the basketball shorts worn in women's basketball but a little less short but not provocative at all. D9 says she can run, jump, bike ride, rollerblade and in general promotes her fine athletic skills better with these shorts.

D9 has been very affected by the x's overbearing and controlling ways of forcing D9 to wear what she doesn't want to wear. D9 told me the x told Holly if she wears these shorts "people will think you are gay." I asked D9 how did this make you feel and D9 responded it was very upsetting to her.

I try to communicate with the x but to no avail, despite all her therapy and it continues on, I know beyond a reason of a doubt the x has Cluster B Personality Disorders, predominantly BPD and I just cannot have the x see how detrimental she is being to D9.

Can anyone please advise me of my options?

[StayStrongNow]

I would like to see if anyone has any ideas what options I have regarding the xBPDw forcing D9 to not wear clothing D9 picks out and I buy for her. xBPDw is forbidding D9 to wear her chosen clothing and picking out clothes for D9 she does not want to wear.  

A little background is I have she sole decision-making responsibility of my children. (full custody, and a storied past history with the xBPDw too time consuming and troublesome to text in this post). D9 is an avid runner, she won first place for her grade at her school 2 years ago, 2nd last year. D9 needed more shorts, she liked the loose fitting shorts she was given for her birthday by her aunt (on my side) and requested more of the same. This late in the season these types of shorts were not available in the girls section but were on sale in the boys section so she picked these out and I bought them. The shorts are similar to the basketball shorts worn in women's basketball but a little less short but not provocative at all. D9 says she can run, jump, bike ride, rollerblade and in general promotes her fine athletic skills better with these shorts.

D9 has been very affected by the x's overbearing and controlling ways of forcing D9 to wear what she doesn't want to wear. D9 told me the x told Holly if she wears these shorts "people will think you are gay." I asked D9 how did this make you feel and D9 responded it was very upsetting to her.

I try to communicate with the x but to no avail, despite all her therapy and it continues on, I know beyond a reason of a doubt the x has Cluster B Personality Disorders, predominantly BPD and I just cannot have the x see how detrimental she is being to D9.

Can anyone please advise me of my options?

[takingandsending]

Wow. Let's throw a little homophobia on your D9 in addition to shaming her. Great.

SSN, I think that you did the one thing that you have to and can do, you validated D9's experience and feelings. I don't think you can protect her from her mom unless you have no shared custody. But, by asking validating questions and listening/accepting your daughter's experience without judgment or shame, you are building into her the emotional resilience she will need to deal with her mom throughout her life.

Does your daughter see a T? They can also help provide that unconditionally accepting space that children need when they have impaired attachment to a parent.

[StayStrongNow]

Your advice is well taken. Through what all my children D11, D9 and S7 have seen such as several arrests charges of and 1 conviction of domestic battery because of her rage temper on me, other arrests and convictions of child abandonment and another separate incident of public intoxication (passed out on the street with S5 at the time), many physically violent attacks on me in front of the kids, many instances of investigations from the Dept of Child and Family Services and much more they definitely had sessions with the T. They also lost their sister, my daughter in 2014. They all have gone through so much with my x.

I do have a call in with my attorney scheduled, I will seek a court injunction if I have to. I am not going to let it go. I cannot stand this Witch Borderline. I get so angry.

Anyway, thanks again for the posts and if this needs to go to hearing for this and other insane things the Cluster B is doing, then I am sure the kids will need to see a T again, especially my D9.

[StayStrongNow]

Apparently an email sent to the xBPDw cc'd to my attorney worked for now to have the x stop her perennial controlling ways. Here is what I emailed:

I want to remind you the court order states I have sole decision-making responsibility of our children. I adamantly protest your treatment of our daughter regarding you forbidding her to wear the shorts she picked out, I purchased and she wants to wear.