Stalking and threats as of today

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So I’ve been updating my other thread “recycling, reengagement, what?” over the last couple weeks, just so I had a place to document things as they transpired. It’s good therapy, but also might come in handy after today.

So my uexBPDgf has started showing up at the gym while I’m there, started the first week of July, after 2 months absolute NC. She has now showed up 6 times in total, but avoids me, doesn’t make eye contact, moves super fast, texts the whole time, walks by me, super weird behaviour witnessed by many of my friends. 2 weeks ago she called me, I didn’t answer, then sent multiple messages. I replied 2 or 3 quick texts, all saying I wish you the best, take care. 18 messages from her, 3 from me.

She showed up yesterday to the gym, and then of course again today. I walked to the market after to get some dog food and lunch, and of course walked right into her there. I said “hi”, and she claimed I was avoiding her at the gym and she has been trying to say hi to me. I called her out on that, and said that isn’t the case. She started an argument, and I laid into her. I told her what I’ve been through the last 2 months, and that her behaviour is that of a sick person, and normal people don’t jump from relationship to relationship and do what she did. She became aggressive, grabbing my arm, not allowing me to walk away (very typical), and then called her new BF to come “take care of it for her”. She followed me around, and then I left.

As I’m getting home, my friend who works at the gym calls me, and says she’s now back at the gym with her BF losing her ___ at the front desk about me. Her BF is stating that I’m talking her, and what can they do about it. Management basically tells them “nothing unless you have a restraining order”. My buddy, who was there with me when she came in today, told the BF that he is sadly misinformed as to whats been going on, and that it’s quite the opposite. She keeps showing up while I’m there trying to get attention. The BF respectfully disagrees, and states he knows of all our interactions. My buddy just says “I’m a witness, and my friend isn’t doing anything, she’s been contacting him and showing up while he’s here, trust me” and leaves it at that. They leave, my EX then comes storming back into the gym by herself, and confronts my friend, and asks him if he has anything else he’d like to say to her? He just walks away. She said she’s going to the police station to file a restraining order now.

I have everything documented on this blog, as well as all of her messages saved, missed calls from her number, multiple witnesses, and my last text to her last Saturday when she started calling me while i was in the changeroom read “please don’t contact me again”. I doubt she’ll actually get the police involved, as she’s clearly instigated everything, but if she does, I feel prepared.

I feel ok. Obviously I’m anxious, and don’t think this is the end, but I’ll be going to another gym for the next little while and take each day as they come. She also just called me and left a Voicemail which I have not listened too, as I don’t want to be re engaged anymore. I’ll save it for the police to listen to if they contact me.

ahhhhhhhh Tuesdays... .

[Fishmedic]

So I’ve been updating my other thread “recycling, reengagement, what?” over the last couple weeks, just so I had a place to document things as they transpired. It’s good therapy, but also might come in handy after today.

So my uexBPDgf has started showing up at the gym while I’m there, started the first week of July, after 2 months absolute NC. She has now showed up 6 times in total, but avoids me, doesn’t make eye contact, moves super fast, texts the whole time, walks by me, super weird behaviour witnessed by many of my friends. 2 weeks ago she called me, I didn’t answer, then sent multiple messages. I replied 2 or 3 quick texts, all saying I wish you the best, take care. 18 messages from her, 3 from me.

She showed up yesterday to the gym, and then of course again today. I walked to the market after to get some dog food and lunch, and of course walked right into her there. I said “hi”, and she claimed I was avoiding her at the gym and she has been trying to say hi to me. I called her out on that, and said that isn’t the case. She started an argument, and I laid into her. I told her what I’ve been through the last 2 months, and that her behaviour is that of a sick person, and normal people don’t jump from relationship to relationship and do what she did. She became aggressive, grabbing my arm, not allowing me to walk away (very typical), and then called her new BF to come “take care of it for her”. She followed me around, and then I left.

As I’m getting home, my friend who works at the gym calls me, and says she’s now back at the gym with her BF losing her ___ at the front desk about me. Her BF is stating that I’m talking her, and what can they do about it. Management basically tells them “nothing unless you have a restraining order”. My buddy, who was there with me when she came in today, told the BF that he is sadly misinformed as to whats been going on, and that it’s quite the opposite. She keeps showing up while I’m there trying to get attention. The BF respectfully disagrees, and states he knows of all our interactions. My buddy just says “I’m a witness, and my friend isn’t doing anything, she’s been contacting him and showing up while he’s here, trust me” and leaves it at that. They leave, my EX then comes storming back into the gym by herself, and confronts my friend, and asks him if he has anything else he’d like to say to her? He just walks away. She said she’s going to the police station to file a restraining order now.

I have everything documented on this blog, as well as all of her messages saved, missed calls from her number, multiple witnesses, and my last text to her last Saturday when she started calling me while i was in the changeroom read “please don’t contact me again”. I doubt she’ll actually get the police involved, as she’s clearly instigated everything, but if she does, I feel prepared.

I feel ok. Obviously I’m anxious, and don’t think this is the end, but I’ll be going to another gym for the next little while and take each day as they come. She also just called me and left a Voicemail which I have not listened too, as I don’t want to be re engaged anymore. I’ll save it for the police to listen to if they contact me.

ahhhhhhhh Tuesdays... .

[Idsrvt2]

Oh wow so sorry. Please take the threat of the RO seriously though and the stalking as well ... she is starting to now paint you black. 

Fighting a false order is no picnic ,,start researching good attorneys to have at the ready, as you most likely have grounds to atleast file a cross order if she files one on you. 
It's good you are documenting everything ... also does the gym keep a log of what times memebers visit etc? 

Good to steer clear of her... .to me she is trying to set you up, which is classic BPD tactic.
These people real cause a ton of damage... .I'm sure you have seen my posts

[Fishmedic]

Thanks for the quick response. I will take it seriously, but I don’t believe she would be stupid enough to get the police involved, as she was charged for assaulting me 3 years ago at Christmas time. She wasn’t formally charged, charges were dropped, but she was put into Therapy and had to go to court multiple times, and it will still be on her record. Also, I saved all of her text messages over the last 2 weeks, where I replied a total of 4 times, to her 18 or 19 messages. All of my messages were short, wished her the best, and my last one stated “please do not contact me again” as they were increasing. She also stated she loved me, misses me, and was trying to get info on my life which I did not reply to in anyway. It should be very obvious to anyone that reads as to who is stalking whom.

 Yes, when you swipe into the gym, it has your name and time. Good call on that, I will call and request this information if need be.

I agree. She has been clearly “hovering” me the lat 3 weeks, and now that her BF is involved, it’s clear that she has been making herself the victim in all of this, and he’s been buying it. So scary.

[Fishmedic]

So I’ve calmed down a bit. Still, such a crazy day. Wasn’t expecting this when I woke up. Anyways, my good buddies wife is a cop. I spoke to her, and she told me my ex wouldn’t be able to get an RO against me, as I would get to meet with the judge first, and provide all of my evidence first, which shows she’s been instigating everything. She said my Ex would likely get charged if the police get involved, as she has a domestic charge from 3 christmas's ago when she assaulted me during a drug induced rage. So I was relieved to hear this. I also listened to the voicemail she left me, and it was CRAZY. Totally in a rage, telling me to go f*** myself and she hopes I die today, and that everyone knows I’m stalking her, that I’m banned from the gym and that I have a restraining order coming my way today.

Gets better.

My buddy, who works at the gym and was there to defend me when her and the BF came back into the gym, said my EX has just messaged his girlfriend, trying to cause a riff between them now, accusing him of taking my side and making things up. These people will stoop to the lowest levels, craziness. Anyways, my buddies girlfriend told her she wasn’t concerned and that he has better things to do then make up stories involving crazy people... .Lol. Guilty by association I suppose. I guess that the Smear Campaign is in full swing now.

I’ll be going to another gym for the next little while, and any messages/contacts I receive from her will be saved just in case. As for me, I have some anger right now, which is welcomed after being stuck in apathy the last few months. I know anger is a higher vibrational state that apathy/depression, so maybe today was what I needed to kick my self healing up a notch. I still feel pity and some sympathy for her though, as I know the disorder is what causes this behaviour, and she is past the point of no return. I also feel for the new BF, as this might just be the end of the honeymoon for them, and he’s in for the same world of hurt I experienced the last 6 years. But, my attentions on me now, and I’m so glad that this drama is someone elses problem and not my own anymore.

[Turkish]

Sounds like you're doing the right thing,  even if it's angering to have to alter your life to stay clear of her and her White Knight, and it's good that your friends will stand up for you.  Even a temp RO wouldn't be good (I cringed when your buddy said that,  but it is was it is now). Given her level of dysregulation and aggression,  will you just walk away the next time you see her in a store? Do you anticipate her bf confronting you? Though he's being lied to,  I'd treat him the same: radioactive.

I'd also journal this and date it,   especially when she grabbed you. 

[Fishmedic]

Good point. I honestly don't know what her new White Knight looks like to be honest. I know his name, as she likes to throw it in her messages as a jab  towards me, but thats about it. But you're right. My buddy said he seemed like a decent guy, wasn't emotional or reactive like my ex, but if he's dumb enough to believe her, when everyone else is saying otherwise, then who knows what he's capable of. So as of now, they are both radioactive.
 As she doesn't have a license or car, i dont think i need to worry too much about seeing her in public anytime soon, since i will have to avoid the gym and market, which are walking distance from her apartment downtown. 
And today i'll be writing out everything on paper with dates, as i updated my
Other thread after each occurrence. But papers better. 
 
Thanks for the advice

[lovenature]

I went through stalking and threats, crying at my door etc.
The only way it stopped was when I didn't respond in ANY way to ANYTHING she said or did. Total NC shows them an attachment is no longer in place.