I won't get treatment if I have to do chemo therapy

[Gumiho]

As the title says, I was confronted with uBPDgf's statement: "I will not get treatment, if they diagnose cancer, I don't want to suffer before dying", after a heavily due visit (she hasn't gone in years) at gynecologists. She finally did, after two irregular, non menstrual bleedings.

I think she is in great pain, fearing and waiting for the results of her test. Also because her family history has many cancer cases I guess. That's why she postponed her gynecologist appointments for years, she's scared. Even moreso because her father died from cancer 3 years ago, and her cousin committed suicide because of a terminal disease on new year 2016 (that death still nags on us today).

I immediately validated her, told her to wait for now and not panic, that even if she got anything there is still hope. (I did chemotherapy w/ MTX for 6 years because of my skin condition, 2 years oral prescription, 4 years injections... .I puked nearly daily for 4 years).

She then told me if she got cancer she won't get treatment, and that she only wants to go to Jesus soon, if that's the case.

I tried to validate again saying something like, don't worry too much yet, we are still young (we're both in our late thirties), and who knows, maybe you will decide to get treatment after all!

Also I assured her I will not leave her.

What else can say to help her? I want to soothe some more ㅠㅠ poor gf~~


Thanks
Gumiho

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[JoeBPD81]

My gf also neglects her health and postpones all her medical appointments. She endures pain better than most, but she doesn't want to know. She prefers dying to many things in life, that makes it very hard to validate, comfort or encourage her.

I try to validate what is scary about that, and understand that she is scared. Then I try to talk to her about things that she likes in life. How we will see out kids grow, how she has to write great novels... .And remind her that I'll be by her side during whatever process.

Believing in Jesus, you can say that God only sends us the challenges He knows we can tackle, the bigger the person, the greater the challenge. It might seem to us that we can't do it, but He knows we can. He believes in us. And our big struggles might teach or inspire others in their path.

Best of luck ,and I hope it goes well.

[isilme]

MD visits are all scary.  H finally could not ignore his diabetes and we are on the way to getting him on some sort of track.  But I will say that there are a lot o NONcancerous things that can cause irregular menstruation, like fibroids and polyps.  These CAN b removed.  There will be a biopsy, and yes, she can refuse treatment, but it's not like it was even 5-10 years ago.  Treatment and survival are much better these days overall. 

I'd maybe read up on NONcancerous things that can cause the issues.  Sometimes it's just hormones being really out of whack.  The thing is, MDs CAN help her live better, but she has to be willing to give them a chance.  She is allowed to refuse and all treatment, but isn't knowing what's wrong better than guessing and worrying over something, not even real? (This is what I tell H all the time - let's get FACTS, so we can have feelings over things that are happening and not be hurt by things not happening). 

[Pedro]

Fingers crossed for a healthy negative non threatening test result Gumiho.

Am taking a day's holiday from work for my ex's eye appointment, & they'll be a half day's holiday to book off work for her smear appointment. This idiot here is still giving her the support she doesn't deserve?

[Gumiho]

Thanks for the replies ^^

Believing in Jesus, you can say that God only sends us the challenges He knows we can tackle, the bigger the person, the greater the challenge.

I'll be sure to remind her, thanks.
A priest friend once told me, when I asked why I have to deal with such things in my life, most other people don't have to, he said "... .God has many soldiers, but he also needs generals to lead. Of course generals have a harder test ... ." That's about the same ^^

... .there are a lot o NONcancerous things that can cause irregular menstruation, like fibroids and polyps. ... .

Thanks, yeah right ... that was my first thought too, she said there are no polyps, fibroids, cysts or whatever, which probably is why the gynecologist ordered that test, we don't know.

My bet is that she's perfectly healthy ^^ after all it's risky to jump the gun without medical facts, self diagnosis is a risky subject especially nowadays with all the information floating around in the internet. I'd rather sit tight and wait for the opinion of a professional. Like if I self-diagnose gf, she has NPD, BPD and is bipolar, no thanks .

... .This idiot here is still giving her the support she doesn't deserve? ... .

Thanks Pedro,
I wouldn't label it that. You're still around, which tells me you grew even taller as a person. We don't know our future, so it's best to live in the present~ here and now.


Thanks~~
Gumiho