Hi triangles, Oh yes, you have a lot going on and this is certainly a safe place. Perhaps, first things first, you can look into whether you are BPD. What do you think of that? Do you have all, many, some of the traits? Do you feel that having those insights can help you have a better understanding about what you want in life?
Do you feel you can accept the relationship in the state it is in, that you are one of two people he is romantically involved with? If so, what will that look like? And if not, what will have to happen? What would you like to have your relationship be like? Can you work with a therapist to help you track towards getting there or is that out of financial reach? Will he also be willing to make some changes? Do you know the state of his other relationship, if he wants to have both options or eventually just one of you?
I know, unfortunately, and quite unexpectedly, what it is like to have financial issues keep me in a situation I might not be in if things were a bit different. I am in another country and financially stuck at the moment, but... .nevertheless, we both (you and I
) deserve to feel we have options. At the least we can work on our own emotional health while we are in these situations that seemingly have no out. There is a lot going on here so I think it could take some time to get it all sorted out, so be patient with yourself and love yourself in the time being okay. I always tell myself to have joy in my life now, no waiting. They are just small things, but they help me feel life is worthwhile when at times it just feels overwhelming and horrible.
