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Author Topic: Reconciliation should be interesting...  (Read 472 times)
formflier
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« on: August 07, 2017, 10:16:29 PM »



Continuing a thread/incident from the link below

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=312823.60


So... .had a very pleasant phone call this evening.  One of the best we've had in a long time.  I was driving back to my parents house from doing work on investment house.  Relaxed... went from topic to topic... .

So... .I get to my parents house and S14 goes inside, so I bring up the email I sent her and posted in the previous thread.

I was friendly... inquisitive... wanted to "keep us coming together" on that issue.

She played the... oh... that email game.  I though you meant the other email.  I didn't take bait and stayed with her until she had the proper email open and read it.


She was very quiet as she said she would work on it... .I said "I'm glad we are together on same page about what we are discussing now... .looking forward to your response... "

Again... very quiet... .

In my mind... .I kept saying "stay friendly"... .

We'll see... .

FF
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« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2017, 01:39:41 AM »

I really look forward to her response.

Since in her mind she was in "rescue mode" at the time I have wondered if she will decide it was biblical (justified) to let your daughter "serve others" in a sense. You know - "it was a good work to make your aunt feel better" kind of response. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there is ever a good reason to put an 11 y/o in an unsafe position, especially without a parent; just wondering about your wife's biblical thought process.

I have  contemplated the differences in our situations. Both trying or claiming to be biblical marriages but from opposite sexes. It's very interesting and educational for me.

Following closely and praying.
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formflier
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« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2017, 08:39:46 AM »


I know what you mean, about seeing things from another point of view.

Quick version of what we believe.

1.  Try to come together as "one flesh" on any issue.  Compromise, reading, praying.  It's my job to "serve" my wife, with the way Jesus served the church as the model.

2.  If differences can't be bridged, then I make the decision.  Unless I am asking my wife to commit a sin, she is supposed to follow my decision.

In the past when she didn't like things she would claim "Since you are not Jesus... I don't have to follow you"  (I tried not to laugh... ) or better yet... ."The Bible says I don't have to obey a sinner, and since we are all sinners... ." (oh my... .can you show me that?)

Much of what I have read from a females point of view would, in my opinion, qualify as a husband asking his wife to sin.

Such as... ."sit there and let me rage at you... ".   The Bible first commands us to be a steward of ourselves... .to "protect our heart" (proverbs). 

Biblical lessons about turning the other cheek should not be interpreted to not stand up for yourself.

FF
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« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2017, 01:18:58 PM »

FF, were you able to get a satisfactory resolution to this?
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formflier
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« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2017, 02:23:42 PM »

FF, were you able to get a satisfactory resolution to this?

I guess it's comedy hour... .

BPD... satisfactory resolution... .right... .?


The truth... .I'm still occasionally... .gently applying pressure here and there for her to give a 5 minute response to the email I sent... a long time ago.

Lots of reasons for delay.  It's almost entertaining... .

Actually my plan is to catch her this evening, soon after work and "put it at the top of her list" for the weekend... .because it's the weekend and she'll have time... .right?

 

Of course... .all of this is being done in a friendly way with a bit of an inquisitive streak about understanding our lack of Biblical discussion... .We should really come together in our faith... right?

FF
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« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2017, 10:07:58 PM »

Curious if you have had a reply yet.

I posted this on another line but thought I would put it here since I would love your input. We have always approached parenting from a conservative biblical perspective.

Our 17/son had trash duty last week. The trash was full so BPDhubby calls him down to take it out. Son takes out trash. Everything's good right? Nope. BPDhubby says in counseling that our son should have taken it out automatically since it was full. I agreed. He goes on to explain that our son did it on purpose to get him to blow up and rage. When our counselor said that she was confused he explained that our youngest 2 are plotting to get him to lose his temper so I will get mad and leave.

BPDhubby asked our youngest 2 to come outside and help him work on our pole barn. 15/daughter said she was doing homework. BPDhubby said he doesn't care. Daughter gave a disrespectful huff and eye roll but obeyed. While she was getting her shoes on hubby comes to me saying that this is why he raged all these years is because of the disrespect. I said that if she was disrespectful then it would absolutely be appropriate to correct her. Instead he started yelling that I was taking her side again. I said "help me understand how I am taking her side". He just got madder and started yelling at her and calling her names. When she pointed out that she obeyed and got her shoes on and was ready to help he called her a liar and a jerk. I told him that isn't an appropriate way to discipline. He just kept yelling that he couldn't stand her, doesn't want to be around her, wishes she would move in with my mom and he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. All while she could hear it.

He told 17/son that he wishes he hadn't had our last 3 kids. We have 5. He has made the statement that if he know how much of my time our kids would take from him, he wouldn't have had the last 2. He is completely jealous of anything I do for them.

In the past our kids were ultra obedient out of pure fear. Now that they see me setting boundaries and being a stronger person they are seeing and understanding that their father's behavior is mean and selfish. It is a challenge to teach biblical respect for their father. They are still very respectful to others but really only "surface" respectful to him.
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