Hi Survivor35, and welcome! I hope that you will find the validation you are looking for here on these message boards.
I agree completely with what Lilacs said about considering if it's worth it for YOU. Are you reaching out out of a sense of sisterly obligation, deeply-ingrained guilt, OR because
you want to reconnect with your sister and repair the relationship? Remember, you are not in any way responsible for the feelings of others, or the diseases of others, debilitating as they may be. It's very sad that your sister has been diagnosed with MS. That doesn't change the fact that she emotionally abused you growing up, and those wounds still haven't healed.
One of my favorite blogs about interpersonal relationship often calls out a pattern of guilt enacted by those who don't understand what it's like to have an emotionally abusive relative. The author describes it as this: "but
faaaaaaaaamily." As in, those who don't understand, don't know about, or haven't experienced the abuse you went through will call upon the age-old "blood is thicker than water" belief that many of us have been raised on: it doesn't matter what your sister has done in the past, because she's suffering right now and as her sister, it's your duty to reach out to her, because
faaaaaaaaamily, right?
Nope!
Every day people are born into families that don't suit their needs, every day people struggle to live peacefullly with siblings or parents who have fundamentally different living styles, and every day people like you endure emotional abuse from their siblings or parents or close relatives or caregivers. Just because she is your sister does not mean she is entitled to your emotional energy.
Okay, harsh part aside... .
It is very natural and understandable for you to feel sad about the sibling relationship you never had, and guilty that you have not contacted your ill sister. Those feelings are being reinforced by unsupportive people in your life, and that sucks. At least now you have good information about their ability to be an emotional support network for you. As much as my sister has hurt me, it still pains me to know that she's effectively homeless right now. I describe it to myself this way: "I'm glad that my parents set a boundary with my sister regarding her living at home. I'm not glad that she's homeless."
Could you reframe your feelings around your sister's situation similarly? Are there other, trusted people you could talk to about this, who would hold your feelings with care? Do you have a therapist?
Another thing: who instated the NC, you, or your sister? If it was your sister, it seems from her silence that she continues to not want contact with you. If it was you--again, you are entitled to that boundary.
(Also, here's the blog I was talking about, in case you're interested:
www.captainawkward.com )
