The courage to move on

[LibertyGG]

After 3 years of pedal to dungeon status every 4-5 days, I finally realized its time to get off roller coaster.  The emotional toll has depleted me mentally, physically & spiritually!  Fear of starting over without BP's "physical" help is a bit overwhelming.  I'm wheelchair dependent and not getting any younger.  BP has convinced me I can't survive without his help, including raising my 11year granddaughter I adopted.  Appreci8 sincere advice to gain a healthy perspective moving on & going forward.

[hope2727]

I am so sorry that you are struggling. Please know that you are worthy and deserving of a happy healthy life. So is your granddaughter. It won't be easy but you can do this. Just think how strong you have been to survive all you already have.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi LibertyGG and Welcome!

It's great to meet you and whilst I'm sorry to hear you had reason to find us, I'm glad that you did.  You're in the right place for support as others here can relate to the feelings you describe and we have all had the effects of our BPD relationships to work through.  It can be done and it is.  One article from the site here which helped me immensely when I was going through similar feelings about exiting the r/s is the following piece on how a BPD r/s evolves.  This really helped me with perspective.  I hope you also find it useful.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

I can imagine that your situation is a scary one and I'm sorry to hear about the position you find yourself in.  Sometimes we must accept a loss for the greater gain.  I'm sure that peace in your life and a restoration of your sense of self, your mental physical and spiritual well being would be a huge asset both for yourself and in your ability to care for your granddaughter.  She can absolutely benefit from you putting yourself first, as this also sets a positive example to her. 

I am not in the same position as yourself physically, however I have a chronic pain condition and take medication which puts limitations on me and my ex was a huge support in helping with things I cannot manage myself.  In the end losing that support was a small sacrifice compared to the damage that was being done to my life by being with him.  Now?  If I don't manage to do something I adapt, am patient with myself, have more flexible standards and expectations of myself and if I need help I find it elsewhere. 

Do you have alternative people you could turn to for the type of help he provides you?  Friends or family who could pitch in?  Is there a service you could utilise perhaps?

BP has convinced me I can't survive without his help, including raising my 11year granddaughter I adopted.

 

Can you identify any ways in which he has benefited by convincing you of this?  How did you manage before he came along?  I think we each have the strength inside of us to overcome sometimes incredibly difficult situations.  Just look at what you are coping with right now and still not giving up.  It's great that you reached out.  You sound an inspiring individual and I will look forward to hearing more from you.  If you would like to share more of your story we'd love to read it.

Love and light x