Hi Benjamin219
I am sorry you lost your dad a year ago. How was your relationship with your father?
You say your life is in chaos, could you tell us a bit more about that? What is going on exactly in your life?
Dealing with multiple BPD family-members can be very challenging indeed. I am in the same situation as you, a BPD mother and sister. To help you deal with hostile messages from your sister, it might be helpful to look into the B.I.F.F. technique:
Remember BIFF When Responding to Hostile E-mails
Hostile e-mail exchanges have become huge in divorce. Blamers love sending them and use them to attack you, your family and friends, and professionals. It’s extremely tempting to respond the same way. Hostile e-mail has also become huge in family court, as a document used to show someone’s bad behavior. While you are encouraged to save copies of hostile e-mail sent to you, it is very important that you not send hostile e-mails to anyone. They will be used against you.
Instead, assertively use a BIFF response, as described next, and encourage people in your support system to do the same. It will save you a lot of wasted time and energy to be Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.
Do You Need to Respond?
Much of hostile mail does not need a response... .The letter itself has no power, unless you give it power. Often, it is emotional venting aimed at relieving the writer’s anxiety. If you respond with similar emotions and hostility, you will simply escalate things without satisfaction, and just get a new piece of hostile mail back. In most cases, you are better off not responding.
Some letters and e-mails develop power when copies are filed in a court or complaint process—or simply get sent to other people. In these cases, it may be important to respond to inaccurate statements with accurate statements of fact. If so, use a BIFF response.
