Living with a pwBPD is like living with an addict. Thoughts & Questions

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Just throwing this out there bc it's something I've been mulling over for years and & I imagine many of you can relate.
I feel that, at least in my r/s with my BPDh, it's so similar to living with an addict. I come from a long line of addicts (mostly alcoholics), so I know what it's like to be involved with an addict. The constant lying, the broken promises, the "This time I'll do better," and so on. You see some improvement, then wham - back to the same old behaviors. I genuinely believe that my BPDh is sincere when he makes his promises to "never again scream, gamble, threaten, cheat," etc., but then when he dysregulates, the promises are temporarily suspended. Just like an addict who stops using, promising he'll never use again, but then the craving hits, the uncomfortable feelings start and he uses again.
My "addict" is currently in a phase where he's "using less/cutting back." But instead of using less booze or drugs, it's cutting back on impulsive behaviors. He no longer leaves in the middle of the night to gamble his paycheck at the casino, but instead uses some of it to buy lottery tickets. Instead of directly threatening harm, he indirectly threatens ("You'll see what happens!". So the behaviors are less intense and less frequent, but like an addict who doesn't quit completely, the drug is gonna end up winning in the end.
So I guess I'm wondering then if I should consider this progress? Or should I just be waiting for the other shoe to drop eventually?
I know I can't make him "quit." I can only do what I can do for me, which is why I consider this board to be a kind of AlaNon meeting, if you will.
Just looking for any thoughts/feedback. Appreciated as always.

[bananas2]

Just throwing this out there bc it's something I've been mulling over for years and & I imagine many of you can relate.
I feel that, at least in my r/s with my BPDh, it's so similar to living with an addict. I come from a long line of addicts (mostly alcoholics), so I know what it's like to be involved with an addict. The constant lying, the broken promises, the "This time I'll do better," and so on. You see some improvement, then wham - back to the same old behaviors. I genuinely believe that my BPDh is sincere when he makes his promises to "never again scream, gamble, threaten, cheat," etc., but then when he dysregulates, the promises are temporarily suspended. Just like an addict who stops using, promising he'll never use again, but then the craving hits, the uncomfortable feelings start and he uses again.
My "addict" is currently in a phase where he's "using less/cutting back." But instead of using less booze or drugs, it's cutting back on impulsive behaviors. He no longer leaves in the middle of the night to gamble his paycheck at the casino, but instead uses some of it to buy lottery tickets. Instead of directly threatening harm, he indirectly threatens ("You'll see what happens!". So the behaviors are less intense and less frequent, but like an addict who doesn't quit completely, the drug is gonna end up winning in the end.
So I guess I'm wondering then if I should consider this progress? Or should I just be waiting for the other shoe to drop eventually?
I know I can't make him "quit." I can only do what I can do for me, which is why I consider this board to be a kind of AlaNon meeting, if you will.
Just looking for any thoughts/feedback. Appreciated as always.

[isilme]

I've read that pwBPD are prone to addictions, and gambling IS an addictive behavior.  The poor executive control that can mean bills are forgotten or they run late often, also can lead to impulsive make-me-feel-good-now behavior. 

Yes, any improvement is still an improvement.  And it might actually show effort.  So that can be validated and rewarded. 

BPD itself is not the addiction - the levels of destructive behavior can decrease, but I have come to see it as a condition that requires constant regulation from the non as well as work from the person with it to keep it in hand.  Now that my H has been formally diagnosed as diabetic, and I can see how his moods correlate directly to his actual sugar readings and can see how his choices to manage food choices or not make him more or less prone to physical and emotional issues.  He eats crap for the weekend, his sugar is a mess and his mood follows.  He eats well, he does better.

Your H has a good week, you use the tools of SET and validation as you can, and he will prolly not feel the need to take things out on you.  He has a bad week, has stress, get sick, or has something coming up he hates to think about (for us it's the holidays), and then the destructive and/or addict like behavior will come out again. 

We can only help as we can and protect ourselves as needed.  I feel sad that H must live in a pretty bad place in his head a lot of the time, full of self hate he tries to project out cuz it's too hard to internalize.