Did he really finally find love

[Lovesjesus]

I guess this will be my last post because now I am forced to move forward and hopefully this will end any future contact. I will never truly understand bod I also felt like my ex bf w bpf really loved me and couldn't live without me. We were Together 2 years and were h. S sweethearts.  He went into the marine corp and ended things with me at the end of March this year saying he loved me but was too worried about what I was doing back home. He started dating a fellow female marine in May, but was still reaching out to me saying he still loved me up til the beginning of June. He would make up reasons to reach out to me after that but I shut them down. He got engaged to her in July and I found out yesterday he got married. They are both 19 if age matters. I guess I'm so confused that he could know in that little amount of time that she is who he wants to spend his life with. I feel so hurt and betrayed. Is it possible that people with this disorder just know when they find "the one" or is it just to feel secure for now and history will likely repeat itself.  If anyone else has dealt with this or a similar situation I would love to know how you are doing now because I'm a wreck!

[JaxDK]

Yes and no. The idealization stage is euphoric for pwBPDs but what you have to remember. They can't sustain it. Devaluation will happen as sure as the sun rises tomorrow. They go through the same cycle in ever relationship they are in. How long it will last depends on the severity of the disorder and how much the person they are with can and will put up with.


I'm very sorry this has happened to you. When our ex's move on to somebody else it tears us apart inside. We start to question everything we had with them. If it's any consolation, I believe everything was real with you two, and he meant what he said. Unfortunately due to the PD, they just can't sustain it. out of sight out of mind is specially true for BPDs. They will devalue and discard eventually. This will happen with this new relationship too.

[Lovesjesus]

Thanks for your reply but wouldn't this be different because they are married?

[JaxDK]

Thanks for your reply but wouldn't this be different because they are married?

No, pwBPD doesn't change their spots because they get married. The script might change a little but, what you experienced will happen in their marriage as well.

[unsureuncertain]

People with BPD had difficulty being alone and tend to jump into relationships. After my multi-year relationship ended, it took her two weeks to find my replacement and blend families etc.

[alwaysloving]

People with BPD had difficulty being alone and tend to jump into relationships. After my multi-year relationship ended, it took her two weeks to find my replacement and blend families etc.

So true... this happened to me as well... going on 3 years dating... she was my ex wBPD near the end she really fell apart. started having sex with another guy then tried to say it just happened... next thing I know she was asking me if I would take her back and if I still loved her... then next thing I know she was rushing me off the phone twice and now she married a guy while she was away in her country... however she lives in NYC and is a citizen... boy my blood is boiling I felt the whole relationship was a waste... and the fact the whole family never said anything like this... how do you get married and it "just happens?" seems very planned.

[Angel3287]

Finding "love" first comes from within. In short -- if he hasn't gone through treatment and done the HARD mental/emotional/spiritual work to be in true recovery from BPD, then it is HIGHLY unlikely that he has found true love.

He is meeting a current need in the relationship or the current partner is highly codependent/has an emotional disorder themselves, which is a recipe for disaster.

Just remember - there is no love without self-love first. Hard to accept that on the surface but it's true.