How to start

[That guy]

Hi.  I have been dating someone for about a year and she was recently diagnosed with BPD.  Her previous diagnoses where ptsd and depression, but now we have this BPD diagnosis and I am very worried.  As I began to research h BPD I find that she displays every sign of the disorder and it's getting worse and worse.  She is on medication for depression and anxiety but it doesn't seem to help... .it just gives her terrible side effects that only I seem to notice.  I encouraged her to start therapy and she has done so, but she regularly misses her sessions.  It's the the point where I feel the need to leave our home (we live together) when she becomes angry for fear she will scream and yell in front of her 5 year old son.  I can see it's damaging him, and he is struggling with behavior issues at school (first year... .kindergarten).  I'd love a starting point. Thanks in advance for any advice. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Thatguy,

I'm sorry that you are going through this with your relationship. Before she gets to the point of yelling, has she began to build up to it? HOw do you respond when she starts to yell?

Sometimes leaving the house is the best thing to do. It doesn't stop her from yelling, but it helps you (and her son) to not be yelled at. IT gives emotions time to settle and everyone can get a clear head for a little while.

We have a lot of great resources to teach you how to better communicate with your pwBPD. Although we are not responsible for how our pwBPD reacts to us, we are responsible for how we respond to them. OFten the things we do cause things to get worse. We have a saying around here: You can't make things better until you stop making them worse. You can find some of the links to our lessons and workshops on the right side of the page ----->

To get you started here is a link to one workshop on what to do and not do in a BPD relationship:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0

[That guy]

Tattered Heart-  thank you very much for replying.  I have already begun exploring the website and I am finding it to be a great resource. 

In response to your question about my gf and her yelling, there are certainly times when it builds up to yelling, however it's typically a very short build up, and often times, there is no build up and her immediate impulse is to raise her voice.  Obviously there are gradations to yelling, but she typically raises her voice very quickly if we disagree on something, and that can progress to loud yelling, and also screaming.  It's to the point where I am afraid to discuss any topic that we might have differing opinions on because she even yells in public and as I mentioned, she has so little control that she does it around her 5 year old son.  She has promised me several times that she will not yell around him but she can't seem to control it.  For the last month or so I try to leave the room or the house all together if I sense it coming.  often she will follow me to the next room or outside, or she will physically restrain me from leaving.  And if I go outside without my house key she has locked me out several times.  Most recently, she was getting upset about her ex husbands GF and she began yelling at me so I tried to go to the store to get some items for a friend.  She stood behind my car so I couldn't leave and banged on the back windshield... .yelling in front of the neighbors. 

I must say that she always apologized profusely after these episodes but it takes several hours for her to get to that point, and serious damage is done each time.  She then feels so guilty that she becomes depressed and even talks about killing herself.  I locked her gun in my safe when she started saying those things.  I've never experienced any type of domestic dispute in my life so I have no idea what to do.  She has hit me several times including in my face.  I'm just in shock at what's occurring.  Thank you so much for listening and for any guidence.  I'll be pouring through the website material in the meantime.  Best regards.