Hi there!
I know how overwhelming it can be to learn about this stuff. I always suspected something was "off" with my partner, but my research kept spinning me in circles until I found this site and then the pieces of the puzzle came together.
Tattered Heart has a lot more experience and wisdom than I, but I do want to speak to this particular point, "How do I go about encouraging her to do so, and
keep in a relationship where i still love her, but have no emotional support (for years now i have a low self-esteem brought on by giving up friends and feel like I'm cheating by talking with platonic friends for emotional stability, for the ones that I still have left, when I can)?"
I had this same fear too recently. Thinking I had no emotional support and how would I get through life like this? What would I do when I get older or if I had more physical limitations. (I have minor sports injuries that never seem to improve entirely.) I decided that it helps if I simply live in the present. Rather than worry about a future which has not yet arrived I concern myself with now. There are no guarantees in life. It can all be taken away in an instant anyway, so I try not to spend a lot of time on that, and just let go, over and over.
For emotional support I come here and read stories, chime in when I can, and study the lessons. (I've lost a lot of friends/support over the years too.) There is a lot of emotional support here. It might not be all I want, or could have, or have had, but it is enough for now.
Any ideas on what you can do to get your esteem back up? Does she prevent you from engaging with others or have you sunken in on yourself a bit? Or both? Maybe you will find that learning about these issues and providing peer to peer support could enhance your sense of self? I know I really admire the folks here who take the time to share their knowledge and insights and life stories. The bits of help people provide each other here make a huge difference in other people's lives. Just hearing your story makes me feel less alone, so thank you to you too!
I am sorry your partner is not following through as she promised on counseling. That must be terribly disappointing after she begged you to take her back and this was a condition of you doing so. Are you deciding how to follow up on this? Please don't feel guilty about her not leaving you after you had a physical disability, okay? You still have the right to make decisions about what is best for you and your kids. Even though this is an illness you can choose to stay or leave - there are valid reasons for each choice. This illness can be very severe and when there is violence involved you have every right to live free from that no matter how she may have helped you in the past, okay?