New here, just getting settled in

[SonicGhost]

I have been lurking for about a week. This is a great community and an incredible source of information.

My BPDex moved out two weeks ago after a crazy last 9 months. We somehow managed to stay married for 29 years. I will tell more about my journey later. First heard of BPD about 6 years ago when I embraced therapy after a particularly rough patch. The therapist correctly diagnosed BPD from afar just based upon what I described. I wish I had taken her advice and run for the hills at that time. The last 6 years have been very costly.

I am feeling all kinds of emotions. Elation happens to be one I am really focusing upon. I feel as if I have been blessed with the BPD departure.

Me, I am going to focus on my codependency issues. I was groomed to be one by a sexually abused and alcoholic mother.

More to follow.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi SonicGhost and Welcome!  

So pleased to hear from you, despite the circumstances that have brought you here.  You're clearly very self aware which is really admirable.  Are you still in therapy at the moment to help you work through the range of emotions you are feeling?  Happy to hear that you can claim elation as one of them.  After all, our emotions are like a barometer for our lives and give us good indications of whether things are right or not in our world.  

29 years is a long time.  Are you still married or divorced now?  I would imagine you have a great deal to process and it's great that you sought help when things were particularly rough for you.  As a fellow codependent I'll state the obvious and say that we need to look after ourselves as well as we do at looking after others' needs.  I hope you're treating yourself kindly through this period of change.   

It's great you felt ready to post and I'll look forward to hearing more of your story.  :)o let us know how best we can support you.  

Love and light x

[blueblue12]

Feel for you, from what you describe I am at a similar place, at first the separation destroyed me, but somehow now after self assessing and with the help of my T I feel a lot clearer about my position and now when analysing it all I feel as she actually did me a favour, I was never going to leave her and in reality I was going to be stuck in a very bad relationship forever... .

[SonicGhost]

Well the elation is gone as I dig into the aftermath. I have started some self-work on codependency and am already seeing my part in enabling this long pattern of abuse. And it is abuse. There is no other way to describe it.

My ex was severely abused in childhood and as a teen. That has translated into BPD and a pattern of mental and emotional abuse.

She has bugged out altogether now and has left the state. Lord knows what she is looking for? She declared herself a "survivor" and "victor" in her last text to me about 2 weeks ago. Of course she also had to throw in a set of accusations about how I am just as screwed up as she is.

I am sitting here thinking. I am not the one that ran out on our home and made a complete mess of things in the process. I am not the one that came to my spouse on the eve of our last wedding anniversary and stated plainly that I wanted an open marriage or a divorce. I am also not the one who actively pursued two old high school boyfriends and attempted to seduce them and start a relationship with them. I am also not the one who decided I might like to try sex with another woman just to see what that was like.

Still processing. I am a Christian who has attempted to model my life on the teachings and spirit of Jesus Christ. I am finding that very difficult at the moment because I feel very angry and betrayed.