How did I miss this for so many years?

[2hopeful]

Recently my sister had a mental health crises that landed her in a psych ward after multiple suicide threats. I supported her husband to set boundaries and she just lost it on me. Serious rage. I ended up seeking support (for myself) from two professionals - one a friend and the other my therapist. Both gently suggested a personality disorder. I started reading "walking on eggshells" and almost fell out of my seat. I am a licensed therapist for over 20 years, but was completely blind to what was happening. I feel so liberated and trapped at the same time. So many details but I have never joined anything like this or written on a board like this before so I'll start here.

[Charlie3236]

Hey 2hopeful, and welcome! You've come to the right place. I totally get you, even with my masters in counseling psych (I no longer practice) I missed naming the dynamics going on with my BPD little sis until just a couple of years ago. Then a light switch finally went off, and years of pain, rage and confusion have all fallen into place. It doesn't make this journey any easier, but with insight at least you will be better equipped to make the difficult choices that lie ahead. We are here for you! 

[Turkish]

It sounds like she found out that you were helping her husband,  yes? Did he reveal it,  or you? Or did she figure it out? She's your sister,  yes,  but it's harder to be trapped in a triangle.

[2hopeful]

Thanks for the supportive words! Deeply appreciated. Any advice on how to distance myself would be greatly appreciated. To answer question about how she knew I communicated with her husband - she read a text I wrote him supporting his efforts to get her treatment. The more I have read over the last 24 hours perhaps this was not the best course. Sounds like if she doesn't want treatment she's not going to benefit from it… This has certainly been the case so far, with the exception of medication she is resistant to any kind of therapy.  I am most conflicted about reaching out to her husband which she has expressly forbidden.
I feel like he deserves to benefit from these type of support forums/educate himself with books etc. My sister is savvy and truly if she ever knew I used the term BPD let alone  contacted her husband with this information things could get very ugly.  Just not sure I can do that-- yet feel guilty if I don't .

[Turkish]

There's a lot to unpack here,  but a good start might be learning about triangulation.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0

This can help you understand your role and help you step away from the drama. Take a look and please ask any and all questions. What do you think?