Feeling better and getting curious about breaking NC?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm feeling a lot better then I was 2 weeks ago ( I was pretty depressed about the situation) after having the " final discard " from my uBPD/npd partner ... I dated a diagnosed BPD a few years ago , so the ups and downs are all to familiar I've now been reading about PDs for a few years. You really can't understand a lot of readings until you actually experience it first hand .

With that being said I'm suddenly curious
- is she doing well with her old flame/most recent replacement after me?
- if I do xyz better will that yield better results ?
- does she care about me?
- did she mean all those terrible things she said after the discard?
- what would the response be if I broke NC?

It's  only been about 3 weeks NC but I've basically spoken with this person everyday for the past year and half ... it was a wild roller coaster but it's like I get emotional amnesia when thinking about her , I can't even remember all the bad times; silent treatment,impulsive actions, crazy making, one day acting empathetic then suddenly changing to the meanest person on the planet  etc etc ... I find myself occasionally looking at her Facebook or something like that and I just get curious.

Does anyone have these similar questions? Maybe not hurt anymore or hurt as much, but just curious ?

I want to reach out in a week or so but I'm so unsure about it .


Cheers.

[problemsolver]

I'm feeling a lot better then I was 2 weeks ago ( I was pretty depressed about the situation) after having the " final discard " from my uBPD/npd partner ... I dated a diagnosed BPD a few years ago , so the ups and downs are all to familiar I've now been reading about PDs for a few years. You really can't understand a lot of readings until you actually experience it first hand .

With that being said I'm suddenly curious
- is she doing well with her old flame/most recent replacement after me?
- if I do xyz better will that yield better results ?
- does she care about me?
- did she mean all those terrible things she said after the discard?
- what would the response be if I broke NC?

It's  only been about 3 weeks NC but I've basically spoken with this person everyday for the past year and half ... it was a wild roller coaster but it's like I get emotional amnesia when thinking about her , I can't even remember all the bad times; silent treatment,impulsive actions, crazy making, one day acting empathetic then suddenly changing to the meanest person on the planet  etc etc ... I find myself occasionally looking at her Facebook or something like that and I just get curious.

Does anyone have these similar questions? Maybe not hurt anymore or hurt as much, but just curious ?

I want to reach out in a week or so but I'm so unsure about it .


Cheers.

[Xeonrebel]

With that being said I'm suddenly curious
- is she doing well with her old flame/most recent replacement after me?
- if I do xyz better will that yield better results ?
- does she care about me?
- did she mean all those terrible things she said after the discard?
- what would the response be if I broke NC?

She might look well. But without a proper grieving it's just a fake happiness. What it's truly important is that you dont compare with the new guy. You arent better or worse, just different. Depending of the ex gf she Will like different or miss what she had.
Ir she cares about you, nop. She's with someone else, thats your answer.
Things said are in the heat of the moment. Maybe you know it but she doesnt. It's being said that they dont have introspection. So stop hoping for an apologize.
The response depends of her way of rage. It can be insults or silent treatment.

[Harley Quinn]

I'm feeling a lot better then I was 2 weeks ago ( I was pretty depressed about the situation) after having the " final discard " from my uBPD/npd partner ... I dated a diagnosed BPD a few years ago , so the ups and downs are all to familiar I've now been reading about PDs for a few years... .
 
... I find myself occasionally looking at her Facebook or something like that and I just get curious... .

... .I want to reach out in a week or so but I'm so unsure about it .

Is it possible the fact you're feeling better is because of the distance from the things you say you're having trouble remembering?

What happened after the previous BPD r/s?  Anything you can look back to for guidance and a gut steer?

Love and light x

[lovenature]

Continue NC. Continue learning about BPD and your role in it.
Think about how it went after your breakup with your dBPDex.
Expect to feel better, then feel worse (really worse), then steadily get better and better. Recovery isn't linear though, and we need to accept that.