Break Up 8/21

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello!

I am going through a very difficult break up with a partner that I was with for over three years.  After an initial appointment with a counselor (myself only), he encouraged me to read the book "stop walking on eggshells".  I could only make it through a couple chapters without being in tears, as the traits and characteristics of BPD are certainly present and in play.

Looking for some support and some ideas for coping and getting through this break up.

I look forward to hearing from you all.

[IndianaLawyer]

Hello!

I am going through a very difficult break up with a partner that I was with for over three years.  After an initial appointment with a counselor (myself only), he encouraged me to read the book "stop walking on eggshells".  I could only make it through a couple chapters without being in tears, as the traits and characteristics of BPD are certainly present and in play.

Looking for some support and some ideas for coping and getting through this break up.

I look forward to hearing from you all.

[sadboi]

Hello and welcome.

I too am going through a breakup, but my relationship was on and off for about a year, so I can imagine that ending something that lasted over three years is very difficult.

When I first started seeing my therapist, she had me read Stop Walking on Eggshells, too. I had the same reaction- it was very hard to get through the book. Sometimes it is comforting, but sometimes it hurts. It hurts because you realize how much pain your partner is in, it hurts to see there were mistakes you've been making because you didn't know any better, it hurts that the relationship your so connected to can be made so textbook.
But if you get to a point where you can detach  yourself a little bit while reading, it can be really helpful.

Getting through the breakup is hard, and there are days when it feels impossible, but there are days when you will feel a little better, too. What is your situation like? Did you end it? Are you still in contact?

In my last therapy appointment, I told my therapist that I keep doing things that should be fun and I'm not having any fun, and she said "I don't expect you to be having fun right now, no one does, but you have to keep forcing yourself to do them, and eventually they will start to feel fun again." And I think this is true for everything. There are still days when getting out of bed is the hardest thing to do, but I make myself do it. I make myself eat and go through the motions of the day even though I don't really want to, and every day it gets a little easier.

I hope you find this forum helpful, I know that I did. Please know that you are supportted and understood.

[IndianaLawyer]

Thanks for the response.  I did end it, had no contact with her for two days, attempted to talk to her and she said the time to talk has expired.  Then, the texts flood in about why I am not going to man up and talk about this.  This was followed by the hateful manifesto, and statements that I gave up and ___ed her up for the rest of her life, and her son too.

I did not see my dog for 12 days; used a third party to arrange his pick up, and he hasn't left my side for 24 hours.  She texted civilly for the first time in over a week that she had given him his heartworm and flea meds.  I simply responded "Thank you"

I have an appointment with a therapist next Friday.

I understand what you are saying about even getting out of bed can be hard, but my biggest problem right now is a solid night's sleep... .

This forum and information has already been extremely helpful- thank you for the encouragement, and I hope you know that you are supported as well!

[Lost-love-mind]

I law
You are in the right place. I've been on this board for 3 weeks and it helps.
As a grad of Law myself (state next door with an I), we tend to over analyze everyone and everything.
It was bewildering to be "prince charming " for 2 mos (yep, that's it) and called a POS 2 mos. after a NC breakup on her part.
Never knew BPD until now. Everyone is different, the non BPD and the pw BPD, but the same. Interesting paradox.
My exBPD was a highly intellectual and functioning factory worker. Completely different dynamics in professional and educational environments.
She mirrored me like no other woman in the first month.
Then shut down. Took a highly intense labor job and started complaining about pain and a desire for pain pills. Would only text and never talk on the phone.
I had a momentary lapse of selfishness , failed to read her signals and she dumped me. Numerous apologies in my part, admitted to my wrong and asked forgiveness.
She claimed I was a narcissist and went complete NC.
Being a lawyer (albeit former) and a narcissist almost go hand in hand.
I actually took the NPD test twice and scored an "11" both times. and have be told by my therapist that I am a conversational narcissist.
After I apologized for the 4th time via email she sent me back a response that claimed that the only reason I cared was that because I was a loser with no life. My message to you is expect the worst in responses. Go complete "no contact". Otherwise you give her the power. Bury yourself in studying BPD. It has taken me 3 weeks to embrace the concept that is an affliction that the BPD has had their whole life going back to childhood trauma and/or lack of love by their closest caregiver.
On the flip side, our issues can range along the same spectrum of our training as narcissistic intellectuals in law school and covering up our own issues of trauma and lack of love as a child.
The old joke is a lawyer is an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. I no longer find that joke funny.

[flourdust]

Hi, IL, and welcome! Can I ask how long it has been since the break-up? In the early days, the pain of loss is something that you just have to survive. It sounds like you are taking some good steps at this point. My mistake if I misread your situation.