I get the absolute worst of him. Other people see things, but it is nothing near what I have. I asked myself too, if he can control himself at work shouldn't he be able to control himself at home?
I wonder how many times I have asked myself that same question. Also another big thing... the blame placing is one of the biggest things I have noticed. Even recently, one of his episodes circled around blaming everyone, especially me, for feeling the way he feels. Which at that time was hopeless, frustrated, angry, thinking we were all a bunch of screw ups, etc. He just kept saying, I don't want to feel this way anymore. Then I asked what do you want to do about it? He had no answer. I also pointed out I can't control his emotions. Even through the personal attacks, verbal and emotional abuse, blame placing, gas lighting... things I have to keep telling myself... it's not my fault, I can't control this, I didn't cause it, I'm not a bad person, don't take it personal because majority of the time it's about his deeply seeded emotional issues and his inability to handles stress and self soothe.
I also get the I hate you being screamed at me. Honestly, the last time someone told me they hated me was probably in elementary school. He does exhibit some form of shame after he bulldozes through me with one of his tantrums. No matter how I think the way I react will be the right way, it never always is... sometimes it is though. When we are arguing at times, I picture a couple kids on the playground, one screaming you're a doody head while the other screams, no I'm not, you're a liar. They shut their ears and only hear what they need to say, what you are trying to tell them at that point sounds like mush.
