Sadly relocating from 'improving' to this board

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So my uBPD (she has traits at least) partner of 14 years ended our relationship tonight. I have been in touch with my sister and a friend, and they both said hey it may come good yet. But I don't think it will. And I don't want to hold out hope for a reconciliation - I want the pain to stop, and holding out is just more pain. It's probably the best thing for both of us anyway, though it wasn't the decision I would have made and it's making me very sad.

The decision I would have made is for my partner and I to recognise together how her stress has impacted on our life together, and committed to do something to try to manage this better between us. But it feels like, for her at least, it is too late for that. In this evening's conversation I explained how I think her stress (and how I deal with it) is at the root of everything, how I believed it wasn't the relationship's impact on happiness that was the problem, but the impact of stress on the relationship. My partner acknowledged what I was saying, but still wants to part. I think she has just had enough of feeling like this, no matter what the cause, and I can understand that.

She just mentioned a tv programme to me that I might be interested in, and it hurt to be talking about ordinary things like nothing has happened.

We live together and have yet to disentangle our lives. This is going to be hard.


 










 

[Kelbel]

So my uBPD (she has traits at least) partner of 14 years ended our relationship tonight. I have been in touch with my sister and a friend, and they both said hey it may come good yet. But I don't think it will. And I don't want to hold out hope for a reconciliation - I want the pain to stop, and holding out is just more pain. It's probably the best thing for both of us anyway, though it wasn't the decision I would have made and it's making me very sad.

The decision I would have made is for my partner and I to recognise together how her stress has impacted on our life together, and committed to do something to try to manage this better between us. But it feels like, for her at least, it is too late for that. In this evening's conversation I explained how I think her stress (and how I deal with it) is at the root of everything, how I believed it wasn't the relationship's impact on happiness that was the problem, but the impact of stress on the relationship. My partner acknowledged what I was saying, but still wants to part. I think she has just had enough of feeling like this, no matter what the cause, and I can understand that.

She just mentioned a tv programme to me that I might be interested in, and it hurt to be talking about ordinary things like nothing has happened.

We live together and have yet to disentangle our lives. This is going to be hard.


 










 

[Kelbel]

And now I'm wondering if I should have been so frank when talking about the impact my partner's stress and anger had on me and her and our relationship. Wondering if as she detaches further from me that will make her angry, which will not be helpful in managing our ending.

[Kelbel]

I love her and have been committed, and wish she could commit to making this work.

Sorry, just throwing random thoughts out there now! It's early days. Just getting my head round the reality of this.