My Update on Moving Far away from uBPD Mom

[MiserableDaughter]

Hello all,

It's been a long time since I have been on. As some of you may know, I moved across the country from my uBPD mom almost 2 years ago. I was 36 then. Am 38 now... .Moved with my husband and then 3 year old son. I was on here for years, (since 2006) always miserable. Always stuck between my uBPD sucking the life out of me and my marriage being ruined by my husband's anger at me since he thought I couldn't stick up to her enough. I wanted to die all the time. I felt like a child. I couldn't breathe real air. I was constantly suicidal and the other thing that kept me from killing myself was my son.

I always thought for years that I need to move far away to breathe! I need to feel the physical distance and the safety of not seeing her all the time. Not revolving my events around her reactions. And many people on here would say "you could live next door, but if you have good boundaries, it doesn't matter where you live." Perhaps for some that's true. For me, I tried to build boundaries but they were stamped on every day.

For me, moving far away was by FAR, the greatest decision I have ever made. Two years later, I am an adult. I feel safe and happy in my home. My marriage is still healing but wayyyyyyy better. I feel "normal." I feel free. And my mom cries to me on the phone that they are getting older and they are all alone. (They are 64 and 71. Not ancient by any means) I honestly now have no pity. You know why? I was there for 36 years and tried to be there. And yet even when I was, my mother still would cry that she's alone. That everyone else's kids did this and that... .She always had a black hole and always will. I can never fill it. I do what I need to do. If they are sick, I fly down for a weekend. But my life is no longer my mother's.

Also, I am better in my marriage because I stick up for myself. I was so weak when I lived near her and guilty with my husband that I was a doormat. My mother would also try to compete with me for my child , and would whisper in his ear and bribe him with big toys. She would do everything I asked her not to with him. I now raise my son MY way. I don't compete with my own mother for my child.

My advice for anyone who thinks moving doesn't help. IT DOES! IMMENSELY! Don't spend your life next door trying to build boundaries I they will always be trampled. Salvage what's left of your lives. If you can continue to build boundaries ot go NC, more power to you. I couldn't. I was tired.

[LittleBlueTruck]

So timely. We are going to ask my mom to move out and I have waved of regret (faaaaaar fewer these days). I'm so ready to live my life without the constant unrelenting insults.

[madeline7]

I have thought about this for several years now, and due to financial reasons, we must stay in the area a few more years. This means being geographically close to uBPDm who is now elderly and the rest of the dysfunctional FOO. This makes me feel trapped and backed into a corner, and I long for the distance. I hope one day to be where you are, so glad it has worked out for you.